Causes of low self esteem and how to boost and increase it

Self-respect is the key to a life filled with confidence and success, but it’s not always at its best. Many people struggle with low self-esteem due to past experiences, constant criticism, or even comparing themselves to others. The problem is that feeling unworthy can significantly impact our lives—from our daily decisions to our relationships with others.In this Daleely Medical article, we’ll discuss the reasons behind low self-esteem and explore simple yet effective steps to boost it. These steps will help us see ourselves in a better light and live with confidence and happiness.

The Development of Self-Esteem Stages

Self-esteem is a gradual process that individuals experience throughout their lives. These stages vary from one person to another depending on personal experiences and circumstances. Below is an overview of the different stages of self-esteem development:

Self-Esteem in Childhood:

At this stage, self-esteem is simple and is often linked to how a child interacts with the reactions of others. A child’s confidence is largely influenced by the praise and support they receive from parents and caregivers.

Self-Esteem in Adolescence:

This stage is relatively complex, as teenagers face challenges related to forming their personal identity and dealing with social influences. The search for identity and constant self-comparison with others become fundamental aspects of this phase, which can impact self-esteem levels.

Self-Esteem in Adulthood:

During adulthood, self-esteem becomes more stable and solid. Individuals gain a deeper understanding of their self-worth and develop critical and analytical thinking skills, which enhance their confidence.

Self-Esteem in Late Adulthood:

Self-esteem continues to evolve with age and life experiences. This stage is associated with self-acceptance, learning from past experiences, achieving personal and professional goals, and making meaningful contributions to society.

Self-Esteem in Old Age:

At this stage, self-esteem is often shaped by an individual’s evaluation of their life and achievements. Social relationships and family support play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem during this period.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem results from a combination of psychological, social, and personal experiences that influence how a person perceives themselves. These factors often begin in childhood and persist unless intervention occurs to change them. Below is a detailed look at the different causes of low self-esteem:

1. Negative Childhood Upbringing

Childhood is the foundation upon which an individual's self-esteem is built. If a child experiences negative treatment, it can have a lasting impact on their future.

Constant Criticism:
When a child frequently hears discouraging remarks like “You are a failure” or “You can’t do anything right,” they may start believing they are not capable.
Comparison with Others:
When a child is repeatedly compared to others, such as “Look at how your cousin excels, and you don’t,” it can create feelings of inadequacy and diminish confidence.
Lack of Encouragement and Support:
If a child’s efforts go unrecognized or unappreciated, they may begin to feel that their attempts are meaningless.
Overstrict Parenting or Overprotection:
Excessive strictness or shielding a child from challenges can make them grow up feeling incapable of making decisions or facing difficulties.

2. Negative Experiences and Trauma

Repeated Failure:
Experiencing continuous failure without receiving support or learning opportunities can lead to self-doubt and fear of trying new things.
Bullying or Humiliation:
Being subjected to bullying, whether in school, work, or even at home, can make a person feel worthless.
Public Embarrassment:
Experiencing humiliating situations in front of peers can leave deep emotional scars, making a person avoid social interactions.
Emotional Trauma:
Events such as betrayal, emotional rejection, or losing a loved one can cause a person to lose confidence in themselves and feel unworthy.

3. Psychological and Personality Factors

Negative Thinking:
Constantly focusing on negative thoughts about oneself reinforces feelings of inadequacy.
Fear of Failure:
The constant fear of failure can lead to avoidance of challenges, further weakening self-esteem.
Self-Blame:
Some individuals blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, even when it is beyond their control, reducing their self-worth.
Dependence on Others’ Opinions:
When self-esteem is entirely tied to others’ approval, confidence becomes unstable and highly influenced by external validation.

4. Social and Media Influences

Unrealistic Beauty and Success Standards:
The media promotes unrealistic beauty and success ideals, making some individuals feel they are not good enough in comparison to celebrities and influencers.
Societal Pressure to Succeed:
Some cultures set strict standards for success. If a person fails to meet these expectations, they may feel like a failure, even if they have achieved success in their own way.
Constant Criticism from Society:
Whether at work, on social media, or within the family, continuous negative feedback can lead to feelings of worthlessness.

5. Toxic and Harmful Relationships

Being Surrounded by Discouraging or Controlling People:
If a person is constantly around individuals who undermine them or try to control their decisions, it can weaken their self-esteem.
Neglect or Abuse in Relationships:
Whether in romantic or family relationships, neglect and repeated humiliation can significantly damage self-worth.
Emotional or Psychological Manipulation:
When a person is emotionally manipulated or used, they may start feeling insignificant and undervalued.

6. Economic and Professional Pressures

Failure to Achieve Career Goals:
If a person sets high career expectations and fails to meet them, they may feel discouraged and develop low self-esteem.
Financial Instability:
Economic struggles can make a person feel inadequate or incapable of providing for themselves or their family.
Toxic Work Environment:
Working in a place that does not appreciate efforts or continuously discourages employees can negatively impact self-confidence.

7. Defeatist Low Self-Esteem

This type of low self-esteem is characterized by complete surrender to the belief that one is incapable of achieving anything, where the individual sees themselves as a constant victim of circumstances.

8. Destructive Low Self-Esteem (Toxic Self-Perception)

This goes beyond self-doubt and leads to intentional self-sabotage through negative thinking and harmful behaviors.

Harsh Self-Criticism
Self-Sabotage by Avoiding Opportunities and Making Reckless Decisions
Chronic Guilt and Feelings of Unworthiness
Neglecting Personal Well-being and Appearance
Staying in Toxic Relationships Despite Knowing the Harm

9. Trauma-Induced Low Self-Esteem

A person may have had healthy self-esteem but experienced a drastic decline after going through intense emotional trauma.

Persistent Feelings of Insecurity and Fear
Guilt or Shame
Social Withdrawal and Avoidance of New Experiences
Loss of Personal Value and Identity

10. Dependency-Based Low Self-Esteem

In this type, a person relies entirely on others to feel valued. If they do not receive enough validation, they feel worthless.

Fear of Independence and Inability to Make Decisions
Emotional Dependence on Others for Happiness
Constantly Seeking Approval at the Expense of Personal Comfort
Feeling Lost Without a Supportive Figure Nearby

By understanding the various causes and stages of self-esteem, individuals can take the necessary steps to improve their self-worth and build a healthier, more confident self-image.

Is Low Self-Esteem in Children and Adolescents a Problem?

Absolutely! Low self-esteem in children and adolescents is a significant issue as it affects their thinking, decision-making, and future relationships. A child or adolescent who grows up feeling inadequate or unloved may face major challenges in life, whether at school, at home, in the workplace, or in future romantic relationships.

Why Is Low Self-Esteem in Children and Adolescents a Problem?

It Affects Academic Performance
- A child or adolescent with low self-esteem often fears failure, which may prevent them from making an effort in their studies, believing they will fail no matter what.
- They may hesitate to participate in class or school activities due to a lack of confidence.
- In some cases, they may give up easily when facing difficulties in a particular subject instead of trying to learn and improve.
Increases the Risk of Bullying
- Children and adolescents with low self-esteem are more likely to be bullied as they may struggle to stand up for themselves.
- Even when subjected to verbal or physical abuse, they might remain silent or feel they deserve it.
- In some cases, they might become bullies themselves as a way to mask their own feelings of inadequacy.
Impacts Social Relationships
- They may avoid making new friends for fear of rejection or not being accepted.
- Sometimes, they go to extreme lengths to please others, even at the expense of their own comfort or desires, making them vulnerable to exploitation.
- They may struggle to express their emotions, negatively affecting their relationships with family and friends.
Increases the Risk of Depression and Anxiety
- Adolescents with low self-esteem are more prone to persistent sadness or frustration.
- They may feel unlovable or that no one cares about them.
- In some cases, this can lead to self-harm or social withdrawal.
May Lead to Risky Behaviors
- Some adolescents with low self-esteem may turn to unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, drinking alcohol, or even drug use to feel accepted and fit in.
- They may engage in unhealthy relationships or succumb to peer pressure to do things against their will out of fear of rejection or isolation.
Affects Their Future
- As they enter adulthood, they may struggle to make important decisions, such as choosing a university major or a suitable career.
- They may not strive for self-improvement because they believe they are incapable of success.
- They may struggle to assert themselves in the workplace or in relationships, making them more susceptible to exploitation or mistreatment.

Can Self-Esteem Be Improved in Children and Adolescents?

Definitely! Self-esteem can improve over time with the right support. Here are some effective solutions:

Consistently encouraging the child or adolescent – They should hear positive words about themselves rather than just criticism.
Teaching them to accept their mistakes – Mistakes are a natural part of life, and the important thing is to learn from them rather than feel like a failure.
Helping them develop self-defense skills – They should know how to say "no" when someone tries to exploit or harm them.
Assisting them in achieving small accomplishments – Even small achievements, like organizing their room, can give them a sense of success.
Avoiding comparisons with others – Every person has unique abilities and talents, and constant comparisons can weaken their confidence.

The Social Impacts of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect an individual personally; it extends to their social relationships, interactions with others, and their place in society. A person with low self-esteem may behave in ways that reflect their feelings of inadequacy, impacting how people treat them. Below are some ways low self-esteem can lead to various social issues:

1. Social Isolation and Withdrawal

Description:
A person with low self-esteem may avoid social relationships due to feeling unworthy or unliked.

Effects:

Limited interaction with others – Avoiding social events and gatherings.
Feeling lonely – Even in the presence of others, they may feel excluded or unwanted.
Difficulty making new friends – Fear of rejection makes them hesitant to reach out.
Avoiding teamwork – Prefers working alone due to a lack of confidence in their abilities or opinions.

Outcome:

Loss of social communication skills over time.
Increased loneliness, which may lead to depression or social anxiety.

2. Easily Influenced by Others (Weak Personality)

Description:
A person with low confidence is more influenced by others’ opinions and seeks to please them at their own expense.

Effects:

Easily affected by others – Negative comments can significantly shake their confidence.
Submissiveness and exploitation – May fall victim to manipulation due to an inability to say no.
Loss of personal identity – Tries to mimic others to feel accepted instead of embracing their true self.
Making decisions based on others’ desires – Chooses a study major or career to satisfy others rather than personal preference.

Outcome:

Getting involved in toxic relationships or uncomfortable friendships.
Losing confidence in decision-making, leading to over-reliance on others.

3. Negative Impact on Romantic Relationships

Description:
Low self-esteem significantly affects romantic relationships, making the person emotionally unstable with unrealistic expectations.

Effects:

Excessive attachment to their partner – Feels unworthy of love, leading to clinginess.
Jealousy and lack of trust – Low self-esteem causes them to doubt their partner’s feelings, leading to frequent conflicts.
Tolerating neglect or mistreatment – May stay in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of not finding another partner.
Fear of entering a relationship – Avoids romantic involvement due to fear of rejection or failure.

Outcome:

Staying in an imbalanced and harmful relationship.
Preferring isolation due to fear of commitment or relationship failure.

4. Missing Professional and Social Opportunities

Description:
Low self-esteem makes a person feel unqualified, even if they possess the necessary skills.

Effects:

Hesitation in applying for jobs – May reject good opportunities due to self-doubt.
Fear of challenges – Avoids self-improvement or trying new things.
Difficulty building professional relationships – Struggles to establish a network that could support career growth.
Failure to assert their rights – May endure workplace exploitation or excessive workload due to an inability to speak up.

Outcome:

Slow career and financial growth.
Staying in lower-level jobs due to fear of failure.

5. Vulnerability to Manipulation and Negative Influence

Description:
People with low self-esteem are more susceptible to manipulation, whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or broader society.

Effects:

Easily deceived – Anyone who offers compliments can gain their trust, even if they have bad intentions.
Involvement in unhealthy relationships – May engage with people who undermine them but feel unable to leave.
Engagement in harmful behaviors – May adopt negative habits (e.g., smoking, drug use) just to gain social acceptance.
Yielding to social pressure – May engage in actions they don’t believe in just to avoid being labeled as weak.

Outcome:

Making poor decisions due to being influenced by others.
Becoming a target for exploitation without the ability to defend themselves.

6. Difficulty Expressing Opinions
Description:
People with low self-esteem often avoid expressing their opinions for fear of criticism or ridicule.

Impact:

Avoiding confrontations: Preferring silence even when they have a valuable perspective.
Inability to defend themselves: They may not respond to insults or criticism out of fear of conflict.
Feeling insignificant: Believing their opinions don’t matter, even when they are valid.
Lack of social influence: Others may not take their views seriously due to their hesitation or passivity.

Outcome:

Losing opportunities to influence others.
Feeling helpless and isolated in social situations.

7. Tendency Toward Pessimism and Spreading Negative Energy
Description:
Low self-esteem makes a person see the world from a negative perspective, affecting those around them.

Impact:

Spreading discouragement: Passing negative emotions to others through pessimistic comments.
Lack of enthusiasm for new experiences: Not encouraging themselves or others to try new things.
Focusing on the negatives: Even in positive situations, they look for downsides.
Pushing people away: Over time, others distance themselves due to the negativity.

Outcome:

Losing social support due to constant negativity.
Increased feelings of loneliness and depression.

Ways to Improve Self-Esteem and Overcome Self-Doubt

Self-esteem is not fixed—it evolves based on how you perceive yourself. If you often feel inferior or constantly belittle yourself, don’t worry! There are practical steps to build a positive self-image and break free from self-doubt.

We will divide the solutions into three main areas:

Changing the way you think about yourself.
Improving behaviors that diminish your self-worth.
Developing new skills that enhance your confidence.

Changing the Way You Think About Yourself

Step 1: Challenge Your Negative Inner Voice
That inner voice that says, "I’m not good enough... I’m a failure... Others are better than me"—you need to stop it immediately!

How to do this?
Whenever a negative thought crosses your mind, ask yourself:

"Is this really true, or just a temporary feeling?"
"If my friend were in my place, would I say the same thing to them?"

Practical Example:
If you think: "I’m stupid!"
Immediately replace it with: "I struggled with this task, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I can learn and improve."

Step 2: Accept Yourself as You Are (Self-Acceptance)

Don’t try to be a copy of someone else, as this will always make you feel inadequate.
Instead, focus on your positive qualities and use them as a source of strength.

Practical Exercise:
Every morning, write down three positive traits about yourself or three small achievements, such as:

I helped someone with a task.
I completed an important task today.
I wore an outfit that made me feel confident.

Step 3: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Constant comparison makes you feel like you’re never good enough.
Instead, focus on your personal growth.

How to apply this?
Rather than saying, "That person is better than me," say: "What can I learn to improve myself?"
Remember that everyone has their own journey and unique circumstances, so don’t judge yourself based on someone else’s life.

Improving Behaviors That Diminish Your Self-Worth

Step 4: Stop Trying to Please Everyone!

Make yourself a priority sometimes.
Don’t say "yes" to things you don’t want to do just to please others.

Practical Training:
Next time someone asks you to do something you don’t want to, try saying:

"I can’t do that right now; I have other commitments."
"I need to think about it first."

Once you start saying "no," you’ll feel more in control of your life and begin to respect yourself more.

Step 5: Adjust Your Body Language!

The way you stand and sit affects your confidence.
If you always walk with a slouched posture or avoid eye contact, it reinforces your sense of inferiority.

Practical Tips:

Stand tall, straighten your back, and keep your head up.
Maintain eye contact when talking to others.
Smile more, even if you don’t feel like it at first.

Step 6: Surround Yourself with Positive People!

Your environment has a significant impact on you. If you’re surrounded by people who bring you down, try to limit your interactions with them.

How to apply this?

Spend time with people who support and uplift you, even if they are few.
If someone is always critical of you, you can respond with:
"I’m trying to focus on the positive aspects of myself, and I’d appreciate your support rather than discouragement."

When you surround yourself with people who value you, you’ll start believing that you deserve appreciation.

Developing New Skills That Enhance Your Confidence

Step 7: Take Small but Consistent Steps

Start with small actions and build up gradually.
Don’t expect to solve everything overnight.

Practical Exercise:

If you feel shy when talking to people, start by having a simple conversation with one person.
If you fear failure, try a small task before taking on a big challenge.

Step 8: Learn Something New!