You may not realize that some bad parenting methods can harm your children more than they benefit them, whether unintentionally or intentionally, and whether you follow a modern or traditional parenting style. In this article from Dalili Medical, we will review the most prominent psychological effects that a child may suffer from as a result of incorrect parenting behaviors and negative interactions, in addition to how to avoid these harmful behaviors when dealing with children.

The age at which a child's personality is formed

 

The following information is one of the most prominent things that clarify the age at which a child's personality is formed:

From the age of 3 to 5 years, the child begins to form his personality and becomes able to express himself through words. At this stage, known as the preschool stage, children begin to exercise self-control and their dependence on their parents and others decreases, as they begin to rely on themselves. The child also becomes able to control his reactions to feelings of fear, discomfort, and excitement during this period.

Also, during this age stage, the child begins to gain self-confidence and becomes more aware of how to deal with others, as a result of gaining experiences appropriate to his age and the situations he faces.

How do I express feelings to my child?

 

. First, I must be a role model, as it is one of the most important and influential means for my child. When I express my feelings clearly, using facial and body expressions, whether they are positive or negative feelings. For example, when I feel sick, I tell them "I am sick", and when I am angry, sad or happy, I express it clearly. I also say "I am hungry", "I am thirsty", "I love you", "I miss you", "I am sleepy".

. When I notice that my child is feeling certain feelings but cannot express them, I can help him by asking him: "How do you feel?" or "What do you feel?" I ask him if he is sleepy, sad, or hungry. I try to avoid the general question "How are you?" because it does not clearly define the feelings, and his answer may be "I am fine".

. At a later stage, when I notice that the child has become able to understand things better, I give him pictures that express different feelings, and I name each feeling in the picture. Then I ask him at different times of the day to choose the picture that reflects his current feelings.

. Some activities and stories can be used to motivate him to express his feelings and understand them better. I also encourage him to use them to express himself when he faces a certain situation, and I ask him about his feelings by saying: "How do you feel now?".

**Factors affecting the formation of a child's personality**

A child's personality is affected and formed as a result of several factors, the most prominent of which are:

**Parental influence:** Parents play a crucial role in shaping the child's personality through the way they deal with him, in addition to the nature of the family atmosphere they provide. Their actions and the way they interact with others directly affect the child's behavior, who learns a lot from them.

**Home environment:** Stability in the home in which the child grows up is the basis for the safety of his personality and psychological health. This stability includes psychological and material aspects.

**School environment:** School also greatly affects the child's personality, as he spends a large part of his time there. Therefore, it is important for parents to ensure that their child is enrolled in a school that combines curricula and extracurricular activities, which contributes to the healthy development of his personality.

**Culture:** The culture to which the child belongs plays an important role in shaping his personality, as it affects his thoughts, habits, and beliefs.

Parenting methods: The child's personality is shaped based on the parenting methods followed by his parents. If these methods include negative practices, such as overprotection, the child may acquire negative behaviors such as selfishness. Conversely, positive parenting methods enhance positive behaviors such as honesty and discipline in the child.

Media and social media: These media directly affect the child's personality and the traits and behaviors he acquires. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to monitor the content their children are exposed to and choose the most appropriate for them.

Ways to enhance the child's personality

 

There are several practices that contribute to enhancing the child's personality and building it in a positive way, including:

1. Listening to the child when he speaks and taking his opinions seriously.
2. Exploiting the mistakes the child makes as opportunities to teach valuable lessons that help him behave correctly, instead of punishing him immediately.
3. Offer unconditional love to the child, and praise his personality and positive behaviors in front of him and others.

4. Treat others in front of the child in a respectful and affectionate manner.

5. Encourage the child to engage in useful games that include physical activity, and set a specific time to use electronic devices for playing and other things.

Avoid Behaviors that negatively affect your relationship with your child

Making decisions instead of the child: This is an inherited habit that harms the child's personality from an early age. When parents interfere in responding to any question or comment directed at the child, they deprive him of the opportunity to express his opinion and point of view. It is true that there are situations that require the parents' opinion to play a fundamental role, but that does not prevent opening the door to dialogue with children and exchanging opinions with them, which gives them a sense of freedom in making decisions, especially those related to them. When children are given the opportunity to express their opinions, this enhances their self-confidence first, and their confidence in their parents second, which makes them follow their example in making the right decisions.

**The impact of negative words on your child:**

Using negative phrases to describe your child on a daily basis, such as "you are a liar", "you are a failure", "you are weak", and "you are a coward", can lead to unconsciously adopting these traits. This type of speech negatively affects his confidence in himself and others, which may push him to lie and create unrealistic situations, in addition to avoiding talking to you or participating in social events for fear of receiving the same descriptions.

**TheArna with others:**

If you want to negatively influence your child's psychology and behavior, constantly comparing him with other children or even with his siblings will be an effective way to do so. These comparisons will make him feel violent, withdrawn, and lose confidence in himself, and will also reinforce his sense of insufficient love for him.

**Directing anger towards children:**

You must realize that your children are not responsible for work pressures or marital problems. Therefore, it is important to leave these feelings aside when dealing with them. Screaming, getting angry, hitting, and scolding can turn your child into a violent person, adopting negative behaviors and using inappropriate words, and he may even imitate your behavior.

**Disclosing the child's secrets:** Revealing your child's secrets, no matter how simple, can lead to him automatically losing trust in you, especially if this disclosure is accompanied by mockery.

**Convincing the child that he is unable to make decisions on his own:** How will your child learn independence and self-reliance if you make all the decisions for him, whether small or big? Give your child some freedom to make some simple decisions on his own, such as what to wear, what to eat, and his favorite toy. He will gradually get used to the process of choosing and making decisions.

**Insulting the child:** Whether it is through hitting, insults, or using negative adjectives and mocking his appearance or behavior, insulting negatively affects the child's psyche and completely destroys your relationship with him.

**Not allocating time to communicate with the child:** Neglecting to talk and play with the child keeps you away from his little world, thoughts, and imaginations, which makes it difficult to correct his behavior over time. Be a friend to your children by listening to them, no matter how boring or long their talk or even his imagination is.

**Continuous punishment:** Here we focus on punishing the child because of his negative feelings, especially in raising males. Parents feel upset when the male child expresses his feelings, such as fear or anxiety, which leads to him being criticized and punished. But what parents do not know is that many of these negative feelings may have positive aspects. A child's feeling of fear or anxiety and expressing it is a positive thing in itself. He is a child, and despite his young age, he is able to recognize his feelings, and he may cry or scream trying to express them. Therefore, instead of punishing him for his negative feelings, it is necessary to discuss them with him and help him understand that it is normal to feel them. Some stories can also be told about these feelings so that the child feels comfortable talking about them, as they are natural things that enhance his self-confidence.

. Fear of making mistakes: Parents, in one way or another, instill feelings of fear in their children about wrong behaviors, thinking that this method will prevent the repetition of the mistake. Because the child must grow up in a safe environment away from fear of behaviors and stable in terms of his relationship with his parents, parents must make these mistakes a lesson for their children to learn from and discover the world around them through the problems they face and the way they deal with them. Because once the child feels afraid of anything he does or any mistake he may make unintentionally, he becomes an insecure child and even afraid of himself to repeat the same mistake. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to instill confidence and not fear any action the child decides to do after studying and discussing it with his parents and that he will get enough support from them to go through this new experience.

. Conditional love: This is the worst thing that destroys the child's personality, as parents provide love to their children abundantly and in an unexpected way from them, but with conditions that they tell their children in one way or another. For example, the child does not feel his parents' love for him except when he achieves and gets good grades in his studies. The child feels the need to study day and night to get the highest grades, just to get those feelings that he finds only when he gets high grades. This makes the child feel over time that he will not be loved one day only for his personality but for the actions he does that make his parents happy, so that those feelings remain with the child in the long run, which weakens his personality and makes him lose his self-confidence.
**Punishing a child in front of others**

 

Parents may face embarrassment due to their children's behavior in public places or during family gatherings, which may lead them to become angry and upset. Sometimes, parents punish their children in front of others by yelling at them or even insulting or hitting them, with the aim of showing that they are responsible and do not accept mistakes from their children. However, they do not realize that these actions may negatively affect the child's personality, leading to problems such as shaking his self-confidence and losing his self-esteem. The child feels that his parents did not consider his feelings, but rather insulted his dignity in front of others, which may generate feelings of fear and anxiety in him when dealing with people, believing that he will be subject to ridicule and criticism, especially after he was exposed to this previously. Therefore, it is best to talk to the child alone when he makes a mistake, and warn him of punishment when he returns home. Your approach to dealing with your child in these situations should be cumulative, as you should start from the beginning by warning him of wrong actions, defining rules and punishments, and teaching him the importance of eye contact with you, so that he can understand that his behavior is unacceptable.

**Punishing the child in front of others**

 

Parents may face embarrassment due to their children's behavior in public places or during family gatherings, which may lead them to anger and agitation. Sometimes, parents punish their children in front of others by yelling at them or even insulting or hitting them, with the aim of showing that they are responsible and do not accept mistakes from their children. However, they do not realize that these actions may negatively affect the child's personality, leading to problems such as shaking his self-confidence and losing his self-esteem. The child feels that his parents did not consider his feelings, but rather insulted his dignity in front of others, which may generate feelings of fear and anxiety in him when dealing with people, believing that he will be exposedTo ridicule and criticism, especially after he has been exposed to it previously. Therefore, it is better to talk to the child alone when he makes a mistake, and warn him of punishment upon returning home. Your approach to dealing with the child in these situations should be cumulative, as you should start from the beginning by warning him of wrong actions, defining laws and punishments, and teaching him the importance of eye contact with you, so that he can understand that his behavior is unacceptable.

**Praying for the child:**

 

Praying for the child has a great impact, as the child accepts everything he hears as a fixed truth. Praying for him may instill feelings of fear and terror in him, and the prayer may be answered, which makes the parents feel regret later. Also, praying for the child contradicts the prophetic guidance and the principle of the kind word. This behavior may create in the child a feeling of cruelty from his parents towards him, and contributes to strengthening feelings of hatred for life.

Raising children in the age of technology

 

Raising children in the age of technology represents a great challenge, as parents preventing their children from using technological devices may lead to a gap between them. Here are some strategies for raising children in this age:

. Set specific times for using the phone
Setting specific times for using the phone or the internet helps reduce children’s addiction to these devices. It is also useful to assign children chores to do instead of spending time on the phone. It is also important to emphasize the importance of turning off the TV while studying and eating meals with the family.

*. Stay away from technology in the first three years**
Children’s brains grow very quickly during the first three years of their lives, making this a crucial period for developing their language, emotional, social, and motor skills. Therefore, it is preferable to avoid exposing them to any electronic devices. Instead of introducing the child to the ball by watching it on the phone, it is preferable to bring a real ball for them to touch and play with.

**. Make sure to be a role model**
Parents are the first teacher of the child, so you must be a positive role model for your children. It is important to reduce your use of social media, as your children will follow this behavior. In addition, you should avoid wrong behaviors related to using the phone, such as texting or talking while driving. It is also a good idea to turn off your phone while eating or during family gatherings, as this will show your children the importance of caring for the family, and they will adopt this behavior as well.

. Avoid relying on technology to calm children
When a child is experiencing a fit of anger or has difficulty controlling their behavior, parents may resort to giving them a phone or letting them watch TV as a way to calm them down. However, this method may have negative effects on the child's behavior, causing problems that are difficult to solve in the future.

 The importance of direct communication
Face-to-face communication with children is an effective way to strengthen the relationship between them and reduce misunderstandings that may arise as a result of remote communication. Direct interaction with children is vital, as it helps them develop their language skills and strengthens the bonds between you. Therefore, it is preferable to avoid solving problems with your child over the phone, as technology in this case does not provide any benefit.

4. Avoid relying on technology to calm children
When a child is experiencing a fit of anger or has difficulty controlling their behavior, parents may resort to giving them a phone or letting them watch TV as a way to calm them down. However, this method may have negative effects on the child's behavior, causing problems that are difficult to solve in the future.

. The importance of direct communication
Face-to-face communication with children is an effective way to strengthen the relationship between them and reduce misunderstandings that may arise as a result of remote communication. Direct interaction with children is vital, as it helps them develop their language skills and strengthens the bonds between you. Therefore, it is preferable to avoid solving problems with your child over the phone, as technology in this case does not provide any benefit.

**. Encouraging children to exercise**
Children spend most of their time watching TV or playing electronic games, which negatively affects their physical activity. Therefore, it is important for parents to ensure that children get enough physical activity to maintain their health. It is recommended to encourage children to play outdoors, and if you have time, you can join them in playing. You can play games that require movement such as hide-and-seek or football, as children will enjoy the time they spend with you. Playing outdoors will help them burn fat and improve the quality of their sleep, and will also help reduce their use of technology.

**. Monitoring what your child watches**

 

It is essential to monitor the content your child watches while using the Internet or watching TV. It is preferable to use specific applications to download on the phone and computer to monitor the content and block inappropriate sites. It is also advisable to sit with the child while watching TV to follow what he is watching.

10. Proper use of technology

We must accept that technology is an integral part of our daily lives, and that it plays an important role in the development of our children. Therefore, we cannot prevent them from using it, but we must guide them towards its effective use. It is also useful to discuss the applications your child uses and the people and groups he follows, as this contributes to creating a safe and reliable environment for using technology.

11. Avoid children using social networking sites before they reach the age of 13

Most children under the age of 13 are not mature enough to use social networking sites safely and correctly. Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to this matter and prevent them from registering on these sites by changing their real ages. If they use these platforms, parents should adjust privacy settings to protect their children from communicating withStrangers. They should also be warned against interacting with unknown people and not sharing their personal information on the Internet.

**How ​​Parents Should Deal with Children Without Using Abusive Expressions**

 

Regarding how parents should deal with children without resorting to verbal or physical punishment, Dr. Nourhan Shata, a human development, positive parenting and family counseling trainer, explained ways to deal with mistakes according to the child's age:

For children under the age of four, they make mistakes as part of the learning process. At this stage, the child is still exploring the world around him, so punishment should not be the first method of dealing with his mistakes. He does not make mistakes intentionally, and what he needs at this age is guidance, advice and repeated advice until he learns the correct way to interact with things. As for children at older ages, they make mistakes for various reasons, such as their desire to prove themselves or their feeling of loneliness and depression as a result of neglect and lack of attention, or even their desire to know our reactions and how we deal with them when a mistake occurs. Sometimes, they may have psychological frustration that drives them to do unusual behaviors. In this case, punishment should be the last option, as we should first discuss the mistake the child made and make sure he understands that what he did was inappropriate.

What are the psychological effects of negative behaviors on a child?

 

To raise a child who is confident, balanced in his self-love and self-reliant in a healthy way, he needs support, tenderness, love and discipline, in addition to setting a clear structure for his life through appropriate guidance, as you are the only person he trusts. However, the negative behaviors mentioned above can lead to negative effects that affect your child's life at the present time, and these effects may continue throughout his life.

Here are some of the psychological effects of negative behaviors on a child:
- Lack of trust and difficulty building relationships: If a child does not trust his parents, who can he trust? It will be difficult for him to learn to trust others or know who is worthy of trust, which leads to difficulty in maintaining relationships in adulthood, or entering into unhealthy relationships because he has not learned the concept of a good relationship.

- The child learns that important feelings are worthless: When a child is told that he is "stupid" or "not good", it becomes difficult for him to overcome these feelings that form in him, which may negatively affect his future. He may neglect his studies or accept low-income jobs because he does not believe that he deserves more than that.

- Problems regulating emotions: The child faces difficulty expressing his feelings safely, as he is punished if he cries or feels angry or sad. This may lead him to struggle with anxiety, depression or unjustified anger in adulthood, and he may resort to smoking or using alcohol or drugs as a means of relieving these painful feelings.

- The child tends to rely on himself (i.e. introversion) naturally, especially in light of emotional neglect and indifference from his parents or one of them.
- The child may feel afraid of relying on others, which makes him tend to withdraw into himself, and this leads to difficulty opening up emotionally to others when he becomes an adult.

- The child suffers from feelings of fear, anxiety or tension as a result of a lack of family support or due to excessive protection, which reinforces a feeling of self-inadequacy in him.

- The child shows signs of deficits in the areas of perception, attachment, emotional and social skills, as he seeks to please his parents and bears responsibility for their frustrations, which makes him continue in this role even in his future relationships.

- In addition to the psychological effects resulting from negative behaviors, the child may also tend to deviate during adolescence, which increases the risks of smoking addiction and drug abuse.

**The positive impact of technology on children**

 

Despite some negative effects of technology on children, its correct use can allow them to acquire new skills that bring them many benefits. Here are some of the positives that technology offers to children:

**Developing research skills:** The information available on the Internet allows children to access the information they need without the need for help from others. Thanks to the Internet, they can access books and accurate sources, which encourages them to develop research skills that enable them to obtain the information they want to know at any time.

**Strengthening social ties:** Technology contributes to strengthening the bonds between students, as well as building relationships between students and parents. The social connections that the Internet provides help children learn how to communicate and collaborate better, through group activities and shared games that can be played remotely.

**Improving the learning experience:** Technology and Internet services provide an effective opportunity for parents to participate in their children's education, by exchanging visual and audio educational materials with teachers. This step contributes to building bridges of communication between the school and parents, which benefits the child.

**Enhancing imagination and achieving goals:** The benefits of technology are not limited to enhancing social interaction only, but are also a source of inspiration. Interactive games encourage children to think and plan. When a child plays a certain game, he strives to pass its stages by using mathematical and logical thinking skills. This process helps develop the child's thinking skills, in addition to developing his imagination and enhancing his ability to think in unconventional ways.

**Opening new horizons:** The Internet gives children the opportunity to open up to the world, learn about diverse cultures, and access comprehensive information on various topics, as well as the possibility of communicating with other children from all over the world.

**Developing learning methods:** The use ofTechnology in childhood can enhance fine motor skills, such as coordination between the senses of touch and sight. Examples of this include electronic games, many of which rely on speed of movement. Most computer games also help enhance attention to detail and the ability to gather information to solve problems, making the acquisition of thinking skills essential for analyzing and using information as they age.

**Language development:** Early childhood games can help enhance children’s language skills, as they learn not only to read, but also how to pronounce words. They can also learn new languages ​​easily through the Internet.

**Empowering children in the future:** Technology can help children of all ages learn in fun and engaging ways, allowing them to express their creativity. Raising children to use technology positively will help them in the future to take up jobs in technology fields.