Helping my fiancé financially When and how can financial support be provided during the engagement

During the engagement period, every girl dreams of a relationship full of love, care, and understanding. However, sometimes these dreams can turn into anxiety and questions, especially when you start feeling that your fiancé cares more about money than your feelings. Does he truly love you? Or is he using you financially?In this article  we'll explore the key signs that reveal if your fiancé is exploiting you financially and how to handle the situation wisely to protect yourself from emotional and financial harm.

What to Do If Your Fiancé Asks You for Money?

When your fiancé asks for financial help, you may feel confused and anxious. Is he in real need? Or is he trying to exploit you? Here are some tips that will help you handle this situation wisely:

1. Consult Your Family First: If your fiancé is asking for money, the first step you should take is to talk to your family. This is very important because they will have more wisdom in understanding the situation. Tell your fiancé that you will not provide him with any assistance without your family’s approval. If he insists on secrecy or refuses the involvement of your family, this could be a red flag.

2. Evaluate the Reason for the Request: It’s crucial to understand why he is asking for money. Is he going through a genuine financial crisis? Does he have debts or need money for wedding expenses? If the reason is reasonable, it might be possible to help him within your means. However, if the reasons are unclear or if he provides illogical excuses, you should refuse to assist.

3. Analyze Your Fiancé’s Character: Understanding your fiancé’s character will help you make the right decision. Is he a responsible person or an opportunist? If he shows genuine care for you and feels responsible for both of you, he might genuinely be in a tough spot. On the other hand, if he shows irresponsible behavior and is trying to exploit you, it's best to refuse and teach him a lesson in respect.

4. Is There True Trust Between You? The relationship between you two is the key factor that will determine your actions. If you are in a more advanced stage of the relationship and there is mutual trust, you may consider providing limited help if you are able to. However, if the relationship is new and you don’t feel enough trust, you should not offer any help until you are sure of his intentions.

5. The Amount of Money Requested: If the amount he is asking for is large and unjustified, you need to think carefully before making a decision. Financial help should be within reasonable limits, and when it comes to large sums, the situation should be assessed thoroughly. In this case, it’s better to decline the assistance until his true intentions are clear.

6. Helping in Other Ways: If you want to help but cannot provide money, you can offer other forms of support. For example, you could help him look for other financial sources like loans or grants, or assist him in finding an alternative job to ease the burden of expenses. There are always other ways to provide help without affecting your financial situation.

7. The Final Decision: Before making any decision, make sure you are thinking rationally. Don’t let emotions control your financial decisions. Make the choice that protects you and your emotional and financial future. If you feel that the engagement needs further scrutiny or that you might be exploited, you should reconsider the relationship.

Signs That Your Fiancé Is Exploiting You Financially

When money becomes the focal point of your relationship with your fiancé, you might find yourself in a situation that causes confusion. If you suspect that your fiancé might be using you financially, here are some signs that can help you identify it:

1. Repeated Requests for Money Without a Clear Reason: If your fiancé keeps asking you for money under different excuses like "a new project," "financial crisis," or "an outstanding debt," but doesn't provide clear details on how the money will be used, this could be a sign that he's trying to exploit you. If you ask for details, and he avoids answering or becomes defensive, this is a red flag.

2. Failure to Repay Borrowed Money: There’s a problem when he borrows money from you and promises to repay it but never does. If you bring up the topic, he starts blaming you or avoids the discussion altogether. This means he doesn’t intend to repay the amount, creating a sense of exploitation.

3. Not Contributing to Expenses: If he always puts the financial burden on you in the relationship, like paying for outings or even buying a simple gift, this indicates that he never contributes financially. You might feel like the entire financial load of the relationship is on your shoulders.

4. Emotional Pressure When You Refuse to Help: A common tactic used by financial exploiters is playing with your emotions. If your fiancé says things like, “I’m in a tough spot, are you going to abandon me?” or “Do you really love me?”, this is unhealthy emotional pressure. If he threatens to end the relationship if you don’t help, it’s a serious indicator of exploitation.

5. Excessive Interest in Your Financial Situation: If you notice that he constantly asks about your salary, how you manage your money, or if your family will help you financially, this may indicate that he’s more interested in your financial situation than in you as a person. If you feel that he chose you just because of your financial status and not for who you are, this is something worth considering.

6. Trying to Load You with the Costs of Engagement and Marriage: One of the mistakes financial exploiters make is trying to shift the entire cost of the engagement or wedding preparations onto you. He might say things like, “You come from a wealthy family,” or “Your family can afford it,” and try to make you feel that you should bear most of the expenses, while he takes no financial responsibility.

7. Threats or Emotional Blackmail: Your fiancé might use emotional blackmail to get what he wants financially. For example, he might say, “I’ve grown so attached to you, please don’t hurt me,” or “If you don’t help me, let’s end the relationship.” This kind of emotional pressure is used to make you feel compelled to provide him with money.

8. Not Offering Any Emotional or Financial Support in Return: When your fiancé is exploiting the financial help you give him, but doesn’t offer any emotional or moral support in return, it shows that he is only taking without giving. A healthy relationship should be based on mutual exchange and support, and if you're always giving and he's only taking, this isn’t fair to you.

Financial Boundaries in Engagement Before Marriage

During the engagement period, the relationship is not yet fully formalized, meaning that the financial rights and obligations between both parties are different from those in marriage. To maintain the stability of the relationship and avoid future issues, it's crucial to clearly define financial boundaries.

What is the financial relationship in engagement? Engagement is merely a promise to marry, not a legal contract that imposes financial obligations between the two parties. Therefore, financial dealings during the engagement should be kept within reasonable limits.

Details of Financial Boundaries Between Fiancés:

Gifts:

• Legally: Gifts are permissible during engagement, but they should be within reasonable limits.

• If the Engagement is Broken: Both parties are allowed to ask for the return of gifts, especially if they are expensive, like gold.

• Advice: It’s better for both parties to handle the situation amicably, without causing disagreements.

Allowance or "Maintenance":

• The fiancé is not legally or religiously obligated to provide monthly support to his fiancée during the engagement period.

Financial Help:

• The fiancé may help with some expenses if he wishes, but this is not an obligation.

Requests from the Fiancée:

• If the fiancée requests financial help, it should be done with mutual understanding and clarity between both parties.

Sharing the Costs of Engagement, the Apartment, and the Wedding:

• Typically, the distribution of expenses is determined based on an agreement between the two families.

• Agreement on Expenses: Expenses like the engagement ring, furniture, and wedding preparations should be clear and documented to avoid future disputes.

Direct Financial Transactions (such as Loans or Partnerships):

• Rule: It’s preferable to avoid large financial transactions like loans or partnerships during the engagement.

• If It Happens: Any financial transaction should be legally documented (e.g., receipt of money or formal contract).

• Advice: The fiancé should not borrow money from his fiancée without documentation, and vice versa.

Work or Joint Projects:

• If there is an intention to work together on a business venture, there should be a formal contract that governs this partnership.

• Advice: It’s not appropriate to treat the engagement period as a marriage-like relationship, as separation later on could lead to problems if there are no legal documents to confirm financial matters.

Prohibited Financial Practices Between Fiancés:

Final Advice:

The engagement period is a time for getting to know each other and building mutual understanding. It is important to clearly define financial matters. All financial transactions should be transparent and based on mutual trust and continuous respect. Clear communication during this period will lead to a healthy relationship built on mutual respect, contributing to a stable marriage later on.

Common Financial Duties of the Fiancé:

1. Gifts and Special Occasions
   It’s common for the fiancé to give gifts on special occasions such as her birthday, Valentine's Day, Ramadan, and Eid. This is a way to express affection and appreciation for the partner.

2. Shared Outings and Activities
   The fiancé is typically expected to cover the costs of outings, whether it's dinner at a restaurant or a trip, depending on his financial ability. In some cases, the couple can agree on sharing the expenses if the fiancé's financial situation is tight.

3. Contributing to Wedding Preparations
   The fiancé may contribute to wedding preparations by purchasing essentials like electronics or furniture, depending on the agreement between the families. This is usually decided after the engagement or before the marriage contract.

4. Assisting in Special Circumstances
   If the fiancée faces an emergency, such as illness or a family crisis, the fiancé is expected to offer financial support, if possible, as a sign of care and responsibility.

5. Communication and Travel Expenses (For Long-Distance Relationships)
   In long-distance relationships, the fiancé is expected to cover travel and communication costs, such as visits or phone calls. This reflects his commitment to the relationship despite the distance.

6. Family Social Courtesies
   During social events like the engagement of her sister or Mother's Day, the fiancé may participate by buying simple gifts for her family as a sign of courtesy and social engagement.

7. Medical Tests and Examinations Before Marriage
   The fiancé may cover the costs of medical tests and examinations before marriage as part of the wedding preparations.

8. Contributing to the Apartment Setup
   In some families, the fiancé may help set up the apartment by purchasing furniture or appliances. This is based on an agreement between the families and is not a religious obligation but a custom followed in some regions.

9. Contributing to Wedding Costs
   Wedding expenses like venue rental, DJ, photography, and decorations are sometimes partially or entirely covered by the fiancé, depending on the couple’s agreement and his financial situation.

10. Gifts on Special Occasions
    Gifts on special occasions like her birthday or Valentine’s Day don't need to be expensive, but they should reflect affection and thoughtfulness.

11. Small Gestures That Matter
    Small gestures, like buying chocolates or flowers when she’s feeling down or covering the bill when they go out, show care and attention. Though minor, these actions make a difference and reflect emotional investment.

Non-Obligatory Responsibilities for the Fiancé (but sometimes expected):

1. Complete Financial Support for the Fiancée
   The fiancé is not obligated to provide daily financial support for his fiancée as a husband would. This is not her right, nor is he bound to do it.

2. Buying Gold or Expensive Gifts Continuously
   The fiancé is not required to constantly buy expensive gold or gifts after the engagement. The engagement ring purchase is typically agreed upon, but it’s not mandatory to keep buying expensive items.

3. Covering Personal Expenses for the Fiancée
   The fiancé is not responsible for the fiancée's personal expenses, such as clothing or makeup, unless he offers to help voluntarily.

Should I Help My Fiancé Financially?

Financial involvement in romantic relationships is a sensitive topic. There is no legal or religious prohibition against a woman helping her fiancé financially, but it’s important to be cautious to avoid exploitation or fraud. If your fiancé asks for financial help, here are some considerations to guide your decision:

1. The Fiancé's Financial Situation
   It’s important to assess your fiancé’s financial situation before deciding to help. If he is financially well-off and asks for your help, it might indicate stinginess or lack of appreciation. However, if he is struggling financially, particularly with wedding or home expenses, you might consider helping, especially if you trust him and have a strong emotional connection.

2. The Nature of the Help Needed
   The key is the type of help being requested. If he needs assistance with wedding preparations or engagement-related expenses that are beyond his means, helping might be reasonable as long as it’s within your financial capacity. However, if it concerns personal or recreational expenses, it’s best to refrain from getting involved.

3. If He Can’t Cover the Expenses
   Wedding expenses today are higher than ever, from home setup to dowries and wedding party costs. If your fiancé is unable to cover these expenses and you trust his intentions and your relationship, you may help, but only within your financial means.

4. Urgent or Critical Situations
   In emergencies, such as illness or family crisis, it’s natural and commendable to offer assistance. Ethics and humanity call for helping in such situations, whether for strangers or loved ones. If the situation requires it, you can provide support to your fiancé, but only within your capacity.

5. The Woman’s Financial Situation
   If the woman is financially constrained and has her own personal obligations, it would be inappropriate to provide financial help, especially if her own expenses barely cover her needs. However, if she is financially stable and wishes to help her fiancé to speed up the wedding preparations or ease his burden, this is acceptable, provided that it is her personal choice and not something he has demanded. She should also ensure that his intentions are genuine.

How to Help Your Fiancé Financially:

A fiancée helping her fiancé financially can be a way to support him and ease his financial burdens, especially during the wedding preparations. However, this help should be within limits and with a clear understanding of the situation. Here are some ways you can help your fiancé:

1. Alleviate Financial Burdens on Your Fiancé
   The financial burdens of marriage can be significant, and some men may struggle to cover them. Instead of giving him money directly, the fiancée can help ease some unnecessary or non-essential financial burdens that the woman or her family might place as a condition for the marriage.

2. Find Financial Solutions to Problems
   If the fiancé is having trouble covering significant expenses like buying a home, the fiancée can help him find financial solutions, such as bank loans, installment payment plans, or helping him pay some installments.

3. Help with Personal Expenses
   The fiancée can contribute to some of the fiancé's personal expenses, like paying phone bills, buying clothes, or covering some costs related to social gatherings with friends and family.

4. Contribute to Wedding Costs
   If the fiancée wants to add special touches to the wedding, like buying an expensive dress or jewelry, or covering additional costs like a musical band, she can help her fiancé with these expenses if they are causing him financial strain.

5. Ask Your Family to Help
   If you’re worried that direct financial help might affect your relationship, you can ask your family to assist him officially, such as lending him money or helping in a way that ensures your rights are protected.

The Ruling on a Fiancée Helping Her Fiancé Financially:

From a legal perspective, the matter of a fiancée helping her fiancé financially can be complex for some, but it’s important to understand the ruling:

⚖️ Legal Ruling:
An engagement is a promise of marriage, not an official marriage contract, so it does not create financial rights between the parties.

It is legally permissible for a woman to help her fiancé financially as long as it is done voluntarily and with good intentions, whether as assistance, charity, or mutual cooperation in doing good.

There is no religious obligation for the woman to help, and if she doesn’t, there is no blame on her.

So:
A woman can help her fiancé if she wishes, without any legal obligation.

However, it should be based on good intentions and a sincere desire to help.

Warnings the Woman Should Be Aware of:

In the event the engagement is broken, there may be a dispute regarding the money or help provided, so it is better to clarify whether the help is a gift, loan, or contribution from the start.

The help should not be given under pressure or fear that the fiancé might leave if she doesn’t help. It should be done with mutual consent and free will.

It is better to have a clear agreement regarding the assistance provided to avoid any misunderstandings in the future.