Signs and causes of a weak personality in a preacher and ways to treat it

"Marriage is an important step in everyone's life, but before taking this step, we need to ensure that our partner is capable of taking responsibility and making decisions with confidence. Sometimes, we may notice that the fiancé suffers from weakness in his personality, which can significantly impact the relationship. It is important to recognize these early signs and find ways to support and help him build his personality and strengthen his self-confidence. , we will explore the most prominent traits of a fiancé with a weak personality and how we can help him overcome them to ensure a balanced and healthy relationship."

Here are the causes of weak personality:

Childhood and Upbringing: If a person grows up in a family environment where their opinions are suppressed or they are threatened with punishment for making mistakes, or if they face severe punishment for the slightest actions, it leads to a lack of self-confidence and an inability to make decisions. When the upbringing is based solely on orders and prohibitions, without giving the child space to express themselves, this can result in an individual who lacks self-confidence.
Constant Comparisons: Constant comparisons to siblings or neighbors, such as "Look at so-and-so, he's better than you" or "Why aren't you like your brother?", significantly erode self-confidence.
Bullying or Mockery: A person might face bullying or mocking at different stages of their life, such as in school or university, due to their appearance, behavior, or any other reason. Continuous mockery makes them feel inferior to others, leading them to avoid facing situations or speaking freely.
Lack of Role Models or Support: If there isn't a strong person to look up to in the individual's life (such as a father, older sibling, or teacher), or if there is no one to support them in moments of success or failure, it negatively impacts their confidence. Sometimes, excessive love and over-protection from a mother can make a child overly dependent on others, which negatively affects them later in life.
Past Failures: If a person experiences failure in a specific area, like a failed business venture, a failed relationship, or public embarrassment, and they don't handle it psychologically in a healthy way, it leaves a deep impact on their psyche, affecting their self-confidence.
Fear of Rejection or Loss: Some individuals are excessively sensitive, which makes them fear expressing their opinions, fearing that they might upset others or lose their relationship with someone. This results in hesitation, overthinking every word before speaking, creating the impression of a weak personality.
Lack of Social Skills: Not everyone has learned how to interact and communicate effectively with others. Some may find it difficult to initiate conversations, feel anxious in group settings, or fear expressing their opinions.
Lack of Achievements or Success: If a person feels that they haven't achieved anything significant in life, or if they constantly compare themselves to others and feel "less than" them, this belief will develop into an internal conviction that they are not enough, which negatively impacts their personality.
Depression or Anxiety: In some cases, weak personality traits stem from deeper psychological issues, such as depression, which causes the individual to withdraw, feel negative, and lose self-confidence.

Here are the types of weak personalities in a fiancé:

The Indecisive Fiancé:
He can't make decisions about wedding preparations or life in general. He often says, "I don't know, it's up to you, whatever you want." Even if he makes a decision, he may change his mind later based on others' opinions.
Result: You’ll feel like you’re carrying all the responsibility alone.
Solution: Offer him simple choices, encourage him to make his decision without pressure, and let him know his opinion matters.
The Dependent Fiancé:
He relies on you or his family for everything: money, decisions, and preparation steps. He never takes initiative and is always waiting for others to make the first move.
Result: You’ll feel like you're dealing with a child, not a man, which affects you mentally.
Solution: Assign him clear responsibilities and give him the opportunity to bear the consequences of his decisions, even if they are wrong.
The Fiancé Who Is Submissive to His Family:
He doesn't stray from his family's opinions. If his parents say "no" about something, even if he’s convinced, he changes his mind immediately. Sometimes, he may turn against you if his family dislikes your behavior.
Result: This could cause major issues after marriage if not addressed.
Solution: Talk to him openly, ask him, "What do you think?" and explain that while you respect his family, you need a partner with an independent opinion.
The Shy/Introverted Fiancé:
He struggles to speak in front of people or express his feelings. He may be great in private with you but withdraws when facing family, friends, or any pressured situation.
Result: You might feel like he doesn’t defend you or that he’s unable to protect you.
Solution: Support him without mockery and encourage him to face simple situations first.
The Negative Fiancé:
He always believes things won't improve. He has a discouraging energy: "We can't do that," "Nothing will change," "Everything is on hold."
Result: This affects your mentality and drags you into a negative cycle.
Solution: Focus on what has already been accomplished, and remind him that practical steps are indeed being achieved.
The Fiancé Who Avoids Confrontation:
When there's a problem, he avoids it. He avoids confrontation and prefers silence rather than explaining his point of view. You might discover he's upset about something, but he never talks about it.
Result: Misunderstandings and accumulation of negative feelings.
Solution: Make him feel safe to express himself and tell him you appreciate his honesty, even if there’s disagreement.
The Fiancé Who Shows Weak Leadership:
He has trouble leading the relationship and cannot guide it clearly or take initiative. He’s always in a state of indecision, not knowing when to say "yes" or "no." He doesn’t feel responsible for organizing the future life or wedding preparations.
Result: You’ll feel like you're forced to take responsibility and make decisions on your own.
Solution: Ensure the relationship is balanced, and explain the importance of making bigger decisions, such as choosing the wedding venue or setting important dates. Give him space to take on some of the responsibility.
The Fiancé With Low Self-Esteem:
He has a negative image of himself and lacks confidence in his abilities. He constantly fails to appreciate himself or see his strengths, so he doesn’t have a strong presence in the relationship. When you try to encourage him or praise him, he doesn’t believe it or feels unworthy.
Result: You may notice he avoids compliments or can’t build self-confidence with you.
Solution: It’s crucial to support him consistently, highlight his strengths, and help him deal with things with self-respect. Your appreciation is vital for building his self-confidence.
The Fiancé Who Avoids Responsibility:
He feels no responsibility towards anything: the relationship, your future together, or wedding preparations. He always tries to escape from tasks and responsibilities, even small ones. He can’t plan for your future after marriage, and everything gets delayed.
Result: You’ll feel like you’re handling everything alone, and sometimes you’ll feel your future together is unclear.
Solution: Set up discussions about the future, and suggest setting clear goals with deadlines for implementation.

The Fiancé Who Over-prioritizes Others:
He is overly concerned about other people's problems and opinions, to the point where he compares you to them. When you try to make a decision or do something with him, he always looks at things from others' perspectives. He can't set boundaries with the people in his life or prioritize you as his fiancée.
Result: You’ll feel like you're always in the background, and these people are more important to him than you.
Solution: Set clear boundaries between you and others, and focus on establishing shared priorities between you both, without external interference.
The Fiancé Who Fears Rejection:
He’s always afraid to express his opinions or feelings because he fears your reaction. He’s afraid of being rejected by you or not meeting your expectations. He finds it difficult to confront his feelings.
Result: The relationship becomes unclear, things move slowly, and emotions remain uncertain for you.
Solution: Encourage him to express himself and reassure him that no matter what your response is, you will appreciate and respect him. Make the relationship based on open communication.
The Fiancé Who Avoids Confrontation:
He has significant issues with confronting matters, whether they are between the two of you or with others in general. When a disagreement arises, he prefers to escape or stay silent rather than discussing or facing the issue. He may withdraw or ignore the topic if something uncomfortable arises.
Result: You find that all problems accumulate inside him without attempting to resolve them with you.
Solution: Be patient with him, and try to explain that confrontations are not always negative. Give him the chance to learn how to handle conflicts calmly and constructively.
The Fiancé Who Relies Only on Emotions:
His actions are governed by his emotions, and he struggles to balance his emotions with logic. He can easily be affected by his mood; he may be happy and upbeat one day, then down and depressed the next, without being able to express why. It may be hard for you to predict his reactions because his mood is unstable.
Result: He may get excited about an idea, only to later realize he wasn’t convinced by it, making you feel unstable.
Solution: Work together to find a balance between emotions and rational thinking. Encourage him to take time to think before making major decisions.
The Fiancé Who Lives in Idealism:
He has an idealized image of marriage or relationships and tries to conform to the ideas he has in his mind. He is always searching for "perfection" and struggles to deal with the reality and pressures of shared life. He cannot accept failure, disagreements, or anything that deviates from the perfect picture he imagines.
Result: The relationship can become difficult because he’s unable to accept anything different from his expectations.
Solution: Make your conversations realistic and clarify together that life is not always perfect, but it can evolve and be fulfilling despite disagreements.
The Fiancé Who Over-Praises:
He exaggerates his admiration for you or your love to the point where he creates an "ideal" picture of the relationship. Sometimes, his expressions of love become unrealistic.
Result: You may find it difficult to distinguish between reality and exaggeration, which might make you feel that this is not the real person.
Solution: Keep the dialogue between you both honest and sincere, without trying to please each other with words alone. Make things more realistic.
The Emotionally Manipulative Fiancé:
Not necessarily intentional, but he plays with your emotions, whether through guilt or blame. He may try to make you feel responsible for any problem that occurs between you or make you feel like you’re always the one who’s wrong. He might over-express his emotions to the point that it becomes overwhelming, making you feel like you’re always responsible for his feelings.
Result: You’ll feel emotionally exhausted and unable to carry any more responsibility for his emotions.
Solution: Be firm and set clear boundaries when expressing your feelings. It’s important to know when to stop accepting unhealthy emotional exchanges.
The Fiancé Who Struggles with Communication:
He doesn’t like to talk about his emotions or thoughts clearly. He may be in a relationship with you and living together but is unable to express his feelings or thoughts in an open and clear way. He is not communicative with you, even when the matters are important.
Result: You’ll feel the relationship is incomplete because his problems or emotions remain unclear to you.
Solution: Open the door for communication and start by talking about yourself, sharing your feelings and thoughts to encourage him to interact better.
The Fiancé Who Fears Failure:
He has a constant fear of failing in any decision he makes, whether in the relationship or your future together. He always thinks of the worst-case scenarios, which makes him hesitant to take any big steps. He struggles to move forward with important decisions because of the fear of failure.
Result: You may find yourself stuck in a cycle of waiting, which affects your future plans together.
Solution: Encourage him to think positively, and explain to him that failure is not the end, but an opportunity for learning and growth.

Here are the most vulnerable categories for weak personalities:

Those Raised in a Controlling Environment:
Parents who controlled everything. They never had a say, or were always told "be quiet, you don't understand, we know better." They grew up lacking self-confidence and were accustomed to receiving orders instead of making decisions.
Those Who Were Constantly Bullied or Insulted:
Especially during childhood or adolescence. This leaves a strong psychological impact, making the person always feel inferior to others.
Children Who Were Overindulged by Their Parents:
Everything is provided for them, with no responsibilities. They grow up not knowing how to face life or make decisions, resulting in weak personalities.
Those Who Have Experienced Repeated Failures:
For example, someone who faced disappointment in their career, relationships, or is always experiencing rejection. They begin to doubt themselves, and over time, their personality weakens.
People Who Struggle with Mental Health Disorders:
Such as:

Social anxiety
Dependent personality disorder
Chronic lack of self-confidence

All of these factors make the person hesitant, fearful, and unable to express themselves.

Those Who Live to Please Others:
They don't know how to say "no." They fear upsetting others. They live to be praised, even at the expense of themselves.

Signs That a Man’s Personality May Be Weak

These are not necessarily all present, but if many of these signs apply, he may indeed have a problem that needs reflection:

Lacks a Clear Opinion:
If he always leaves decisions to you or says "whatever you like" in everything, even when it pertains to his own life.
Easily Influenced by What Others Say:
If his opinion changes constantly based on what he hears from his family or friends, especially if he lets them control his choices.
Avoids Confrontation:
If whenever a conflict or issue arises, he prefers to withdraw or stay silent to avoid upsetting anyone, even if his rights are being ignored.
Lacks Ambition or Clear Goals in Life:
If he doesn't know what he wants to achieve in life, or if he doesn't work on self-improvement and lets time pass without any clear direction.
Low Self-Confidence:
If he always feels inferior to others or hesitates to take any action.
Excessively Affected by His Family:
If he cannot make decisions about his life without his family’s approval for every detail, even for simple matters.
Always Tries to Please Others at His Own Expense:
If he remains silent even when he’s wronged, or does things he doesn't agree with just to please others.
Unable to Express Himself or His Feelings:
If he doesn't know how to express what he feels or avoids talking when a situation needs clarification or discussion.
Shows Hesitation Even in Simple Decisions:
For example, when you ask him about where he wants to go out or what food he wants to eat, he’s unable to decide and always says, "whatever you like," not just as a compliment, but because of constant hesitation.
Doesn't Stand Up for You in Conflicts:
If someone from his family or anyone else speaks ill of you, and he remains silent or doesn't defend you even if he knows you are right.
Always Apologizes Even When He's Not Wrong:
Not out of humility, but out of fear of confrontation or upsetting the relationship, he always apologizes just to please others.
Feels Inferior to Others:
If he compares himself to others and talks about himself in a way that lowers his self-worth, like saying "I'm not like so-and-so" or "I'm not successful enough," which impacts how he behaves with you.
Always Needs Direction:
If you leave him to do something on his own, he doesn’t know where to start and keeps waiting for instructions on what he should do.

Steps to Reach a Decision that Brings You Comfort:

Phase 1: Observation and Confirmation

Observe his behavior in different situations.
See how he interacts with people—his family, himself, and with you.
Put him in pressure or conflict situations and observe his reaction.

Differentiate between "kindness" and "weakness of character."
Not every calm person has a weak character; sometimes, silence is chosen wisely. But if he constantly sacrifices his rights or avoids everything, it’s a sign of weak character.

Ask yourself:

Can he make decisions?
Does he have a clear opinion?
Does he respect himself?
Does he have a personality in front of others?
Does he know how to protect and defend you when necessary?

Phase 2: Confrontation and Discussion

Choose a quiet time and talk to him openly.
Tell him that certain behaviors make you feel that he lacks self-confidence or has a weak personality.
For example:
"I love you, but there are things that make me anxious... when a problem arises, I feel that you stay silent or let others control you, which makes me feel you can't take responsibility as a future husband."

Observe his response:

Did he listen attentively?
Did he avoid the topic?
Did he acknowledge the problem or say, "You're overreacting"?
His response here is crucial as it reflects his ability to develop.

Phase 3: Experiment and Change

Give him a chance to prove himself.
If he’s aware and ready to work on himself, give him time to change and improve.
Support him but don’t take on the responsibility of changing him if he’s not willing.

Encourage him to make decisions, even small ones, like where to go, what to buy for the home, or how to handle a situation with his family.
Follow up to see if he can handle responsibility.

Phase 4: Evaluation and Decision-Making

Ask yourself again after some time:
- Has there been any improvement?
- Does he have a personality now, or not?
- Can you imagine spending a lifetime with him without feeling mentally exhausted or like you're carrying his burden?
  Make your decision without pressure.
  If he has changed and is willing to work on himself, that's a good sign.
  But if he remains the same and you fear it will be tiring after marriage, reconsider.

Phase 5: Understanding the Psychological Roots of His Weak Personality

Try to understand the reason behind his weakness.
Not every person with a weak character is "not masculine." The reasons may include:
- Strict upbringing (where parents made decisions for him).
- Bullying in the past.
- Previous failed relationships that affected him.
- Low self-esteem from constant comparisons with others.

If you understand the cause, you can determine if he can change or not.

Phase 6: Measuring the Impact on You

Ask yourself deep questions:
- Do I truly respect him?
- If I marry him, will I feel secure and able to rely on him?
- Or will I always be the one handling everything?
- Will I live with him without feeling like I’m raising a grown-up child?

If most of the answers are "no" or "I'm not sure," you need to seriously reconsider.

Phase 7: Thinking About Your Future Together

Imagine your life after marriage:
- When a problem arises between you two, will he be by your side?
- If there’s a conflict with his family, will he support you or remain silent?
- In work or life, will he support you, or leave you alone?
- When you have children, will he be a role model for them?

Final Phase: The Mature Decision

The decision should not only be from your heart but should be "both rational and emotional."
If his personality is weak, but he has the will to work on himself and change, and mutual respect remains, you may continue together.
But if he remains the same and is unwilling to change, and thinks you’re exaggerating, you need to reconsider moving forward before entering a life that may emotionally exhaust you.

Ways to Treat a Weak Personality in Your Fiancé:

Building Self-Confidence
How?: Encourage him to acknowledge both his small and large achievements, and always be clear in your appreciation for him.
Example: Whenever he accomplishes something, whether it's something small like tidying up the place or making a decision, praise him and remind him that he is capable of achieving bigger things.
Why?: Self-confidence grows when a person feels valued in the relationship, not just in material things but also in emotional appreciation.
Encouraging Him to Make Decisions
How?: Involve him in making simple decisions, such as choosing a breakfast spot or determining wedding preparations.
Example: Ask him his opinion on daily matters: "What do you think about this place?" or "Do you prefer we choose this?"
Why?: This helps him take responsibility for his decisions and makes him feel capable of making independent choices.
Opening Honest and Direct Communication
How?: Be honest in expressing your feelings. If something bothers you or you feel he isn't addressing his emotions, talk to him calmly and without aggression.
Example: "I feel like you're not happy with something. Is there anything I can help with?"
Why?: When he has space to speak freely, he'll learn to express his feelings in a healthy way.
Dealing with Fear or Hesitation
How?: If he’s afraid to make important decisions or hesitates in his choices, try to be there for him and offer clear options.
Example: If he's struggling to choose between two things, give him two or three options instead of leaving him to face many possibilities.
Why?: This helps him make decisions more quickly and boosts his confidence in his choices.
Affirming Your Respect for His Opinions and Decisions
How?: Always respect his opinion, even if you disagree. Allow room for discussion and debate rather than imposing your views.
Example: "I respect your opinion, maybe we can discuss it more if you'd like to change some things."
Why?: When he feels his opinions matter in the relationship, he will develop more and feel important in decision-making.
Encouraging Social Interaction
How?: If he's shy or isolated, encourage him to interact with others, whether with your family or friends.
Example: Encourage him to spend time with his friends or participate in small social gatherings like attending a small party or a group lunch.
Why?: This helps him build social confidence and encourages more interaction with others.
Training Him to Take Responsibility
How?: Put him in situations where he can take responsibility, either for himself or for both of you as a couple.
Example: Assign him a specific task related to wedding preparations or responsibility for certain details in your shared life.
Why?: Small responsibilities help him build confidence in himself and deal with future pressures.
Helping Him Learn Communication Skills
How?: Encourage him to improve how he expresses himself, whether verbally or through body language.
Example: Suggest he read books on improving communication skills or even take short courses in this area.
Why?: When he has effective communication skills, he'll be able to express himself more comfortably.
Giving Him Space for Personal Development
How?: Encourage him to work on himself independently, whether by developing his personal, academic, or professional skills.
Example: If he has a hobby or a dream he'd like to pursue, encourage him to take it seriously.
Why?: Change starts from within, and when he feels he’s achieving something important to him, his self-confidence will grow significantly.
Psychological Support and Counseling
How?: If his weak personality becomes a significant problem, preventing him from dealing with daily life challenges, suggest seeing a therapist or counselor.
Example: "I think it might be helpful for you to talk to a professional. This will help both of us in our relationship."
Why?: Sometimes a person needs professional help to cope with their psychological issues in a healthy way.
Patience and Continuous Support
How?: Treatment isn’t quick, but with patience and consistent support, you'll see improvement.
Example: Always believe that he is capable of change and know that he will learn with time.
Why?: Change takes time, but when you're there for him step by step, you'll notice that he starts to gain more confidence.