Why do some girls feel hatred towards their mothers Psychological and educational reasons

Our feelings towards our family are complex and not always positive, which is completely natural since family relationships are filled with experiences and influences that shape our emotions. However, when a daughter feels hatred towards her mother, it can be painful and confusing. Is it due to mistreatment? Psychological pressure? Or accumulated experiences from childhood? In this Daleely Medical article, we will explore the psychological reasons that might lead a daughter to feel this way and discuss how to manage these emotions in a healthy way that promotes emotional balance.

Is Hating One’s Mother Normal?

Although the mother-daughter relationship is considered sacred, built on love, care, and deep emotions, hatred towards a mother—if she is toxic—is a natural response. Some mothers engage in harmful and harsh behaviors toward their children, neglecting them, ignoring their needs, or abusing them emotionally, psychologically, or even physically. These actions can lead to feelings of hatred in daughters, even if they do not consciously choose to feel this way. Such emotions may begin in childhood, emerge during adolescence, or even surface in adulthood. Often, this feeling is accompanied by guilt and disappointment.

Mental Health Conditions That May Cause a Daughter to Hate Her Mother

Hatred towards a mother can sometimes be linked to psychological disorders or neurological conditions, including:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- A daughter with BPD experiences intense mood swings and difficulty maintaining stable relationships, often leading to feelings of hatred toward those around her, including her mother. These emotions are often unstable and may not even be fully understood by the daughter herself.
Depression
- Severe depression can make a daughter feel isolated and disconnected from others, including a mother who tries to support her. In some cases, she may see her mother’s concern as intrusive, and if the mother dismisses her depression as mere sadness, it can increase feelings of resentment toward her.
Social Anxiety Disorder
- Some girls, especially during adolescence, struggle with social anxiety and fear of embarrassment or criticism. If a mother’s actions embarrass her daughter or make her feel humiliated in social situations, it can lead to feelings of hatred.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Past traumatic experiences can contribute to negative emotions toward a mother, especially if she was the source of trauma or failed to provide emotional support. These traumas may include parental divorce, preventing the daughter from pursuing a relationship, remarriage of the mother, or even experiences of abuse where the daughter felt unprotected or unsupported by her mother.
Antisocial Personality Disorder
- This disorder often appears in children and adolescents (ages 8-14) and is characterized by destructive behavior, enjoyment of harming others, and reckless disregard for rules. In some cases, this disorder is associated with feelings of hatred toward a parent.
Other Psychological Issues
- Less severe psychological issues, such as low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, social shyness, or weak personality, may lead a daughter to blame her mother, fostering negative emotions toward her.

Reasons Why a Daughter May Hate Her Mother

1. Personality and Mood Disorders

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): The daughter views her mother as either perfect or extremely cruel, with no middle ground.
Depression: The daughter may feel that her mother does not understand her or is the source of her unhappiness.
Excessive Anxiety: The daughter may perceive her mother’s constant questioning and instructions as overwhelming, leading her to want distance.

2. Traumatic Experiences

If the mother has been harsh or abusive, the daughter may harbor resentment due to painful memories.
If the daughter experienced emotional neglect, she may feel unimportant to her mother, fueling hatred.

3. A Sense of Competition

Some daughters feel their mothers are jealous of them, especially if the mother compares herself to her daughter in terms of beauty or success.
The daughter may view her mother’s interference in her life as a restriction on her independence, leading to feelings of anger and rejection.

Types of Mothers Who May Cause Their Daughters to Hate Them

The Narcissistic or Controlling Mother
- Some mothers seek total control over their daughters’ lives, making them feel oppressed.
- A narcissistic mother prioritizes herself over her daughter, leading to emotional neglect.
The Toxic Mother
- A mother who uses verbal abuse, such as insults and harsh criticism, can create deep-seated hatred in her daughter.
- Constant criticism and belittling can lead to low self-esteem, causing the daughter to distance herself from her mother.

Other Reasons a Daughter May Hate Her Mother

✔ Abuse: Verbal or physical violence damages the mother-daughter relationship and can be difficult to repair.
✔ Emotional Neglect: A mother’s lack of interest in her daughter’s feelings or dreams may make her feel ignored, strengthening negative emotions.
✔ Personality Differences: A significant contrast in personality between mother and daughter can lead to constant conflicts.
✔ Family Issues: Ongoing conflicts between parents may lead the daughter to side with one parent, developing resentment toward the mother.
✔ Comparison and Peer Pressure: If a daughter feels that her friends' mothers treat them better, she may develop feelings of hatred toward her own mother.
✔ Generational Gap: A mother’s inability to understand her daughter’s needs and lifestyle can lead to ongoing struggles between them.

Signs That a Mother May Hate Her Daughter

Although it is uncommon for a mother to hate her daughter, in some cases, a mother may exhibit behaviors that indicate negative feelings or favoritism against her compared to her siblings. This behavior can significantly impact the daughter’s mental well-being, making her feel rejected and insecure. Here are some signs that may suggest a mother harbors negative emotions toward her daughter:

1. Emotional Neglect

A mother who does not love her daughter often ignores her feelings and fails to provide emotional support. This can manifest in:

Lack of interest in her daughter’s problems or refusing to listen to her.
Dismissing her emotions or mocking her when she feels sad or upset.
Not expressing affection or care through words or actions.

2. Constant Criticism and Belittling

When a mother constantly criticizes her daughter without valid reasons, it may indicate negative feelings toward her, including:

Criticizing her appearance, weight, or overall looks.
Mocking her achievements, even if they are successful.
Comparing her to siblings or other girls in a way that diminishes her self-worth.

3. Favoritism Among Siblings

A mother who dislikes her daughter may show clear favoritism toward other siblings by:

Preferring male siblings over her in all matters.
Giving more attention and support to her siblings.
Defending her siblings against her, even when they are in the wrong.

4. Physical or Verbal Abuse

Resorting to excessive physical punishment or harsh discipline without justification.
Using degrading insults or offensive language that diminishes her daughter’s worth.
Constantly threatening to kick her out of the house or depriving her of basic rights.

5. Jealousy and Competition with Her Daughter

Some mothers may feel competitive toward their daughters, displaying behaviors such as:

Feeling jealous of their daughter’s beauty or success and trying to undermine her.
Preventing her from taking care of herself or choosing her clothes freely.
Damaging her self-confidence through constant negative remarks.

6. Lack of Support for Her Daughter’s Decisions and Future

This may be evident in:

Showing no interest in her education or trying to hinder her success.
Forcing her into decisions against her will, such as early marriage or a specific field of study.
Deliberately ignoring her achievements or refusing to celebrate them.

7. Public Disrespect and Humiliation

Embarrassing or mocking her daughter in front of family or friends.
Revealing her personal secrets without considering her privacy.
Preventing her from expressing her opinions or ridiculing her thoughts.

8. Daughter’s Withdrawal and Avoidance of Her Mother

Avoiding conversations or spending time with her mother.
Staying in her room for long periods or preferring to go out with friends.
Skipping family meals or avoiding participating in family activities.

9. Indifference Toward the Mother’s Feelings

Ignoring her requests and not considering her emotions.
Responding to her in a cold or indifferent manner.

10. Revengeful Behavior

Speaking to her mother harshly or hurtfully.
Damaging her belongings or causing trouble for her.

11. Open Hostility and Expressing Anger

Raising her voice or speaking aggressively toward her mother.
Asking her mother to leave her alone or stay away from her.

12. Rebellion Against Her Mother

Refusing to follow her mother’s instructions or obey her.
Complaining whenever she is asked to do something.

13. Constantly Blaming the Mother

Holding her responsible for all the problems and negative emotions the daughter experiences.
Accusing her of causing her failures or unhappiness.

14. Seeking a Substitute Mother Figure

Becoming emotionally attached to another person who treats her like a mother figure.
Comparing her mother to other mothers in a hurtful way.

How to Deal with Hatred Towards Your Mother

Feeling hatred towards your mother is not a healthy emotion, as it is often accompanied by other negative feelings such as guilt, since the mother-child relationship is considered sacred in many cultures. Additionally, emotions like loss, disappointment, and anger may arise. Therefore, it is important not to surrender to these feelings but instead try to improve the relationship or handle it in a healthy and safe manner to minimize the emotional impact. Here are some steps that may help:

1. Avoid Negative Thoughts

Try to avoid focusing on negative aspects of your relationship with your mother. Instead of dwelling on feelings of hatred or the reasons behind them, train yourself to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

2. Recall Positive Moments with Her

Rather than constantly remembering the painful experiences, try to recall the good moments and the kind feelings you have shared with her. This might help change your perspective on the relationship.

3. Identify the Root Cause of Your Feelings

Understand the true reason behind your negative emotions toward your mother. Consider the factors that may have led her to act in a hurtful way. Sometimes, her behavior might be a result of her own struggles or past hardships. While this does not justify her actions, it can help you develop a sense of understanding and possibly forgiveness.

4. Express Your Feelings on Paper

Writing can be a great way to process your emotions. Write down everything you feel about your mother, how her actions have affected you, and what you wish she had done differently. This method can help you articulate your emotions more clearly and provide some relief.

5. Try to Forgive Her

Take your time to reach a stage of forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean forgetting the harm or pretending it never happened, but it helps you let go of negative emotions that could affect your life, granting you inner peace.

6. Set Clear Boundaries

Forgiveness does not mean accepting continuous mistreatment, even from close family members. Therefore, it is essential to establish clear boundaries to protect your mental health while maintaining respect and fulfilling your duties towards her as much as possible.

7. Seek Professional Help

If your feelings toward your mother are significantly affecting your life, it may be beneficial to talk to a therapist or a family counselor. They can help you understand your emotions and guide you toward healthier ways of dealing with them.

Treatment for a Daughter's Hatred Towards Her Mother: Medication and Therapy

Hatred towards one’s mother may be linked to mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In some cases, treatment involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy to achieve meaningful emotional improvement.

1. Medication Treatment

Psychiatric medications may be prescribed in severe cases where hatred is linked to intense emotional distress and dysfunctional thought patterns. Some of the commonly used medications include:

A. Antidepressants

These help reduce deep-seated negative emotions and improve mood. They include:

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs):
- Fluoxetine (Prozac)
- Sertraline (Zoloft)
- Escitalopram (Cipralex)
  These medications improve mood and help reduce feelings of anger and depression.
Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs):
- Venlafaxine (Effexor)
- Duloxetine (Cymbalta)
  These are effective for both anxiety and depression.

B. Anti-Anxiety Medications

If hatred is accompanied by severe anxiety and tension, a doctor may prescribe:

Benzodiazepines (used with caution due to addiction risk):
- Lorazepam (Ativan)
- Alprazolam (Xanax)
Other options: Buspirone (Buspar), which carries a lower addiction risk than benzodiazepines.

C. Mood Stabilizers

If mood swings are affecting the mother-daughter relationship, mood stabilizers may be used, such as:

Lamotrigine (Lamictal)
Quetiapine (Seroquel) (at low doses)

D. Antipsychotic Medications (for severe cases)

In some cases involving distorted thinking or extreme anger, the following may be prescribed:

Olanzapine (Zyprexa)
Risperidone (Risperdal)

2. Psychotherapy (Essential Alongside Medication)

Even if medication helps, psychotherapy remains the key solution to understanding the deeper causes of negative emotions and improving the relationship with one’s mother or handling it in a healthier way.

A. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Helps in reshaping negative thoughts about the mother and reassessing the relationship more realistically.
Addresses feelings of anger and frustration associated with the mother-daughter relationship.

B. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Suitable for daughters experiencing fluctuating emotions toward their mothers, especially in cases of borderline personality disorder.
Helps in managing emotional reactions and learning strategies to cope with emotional distress.

C. Family Therapy

Used when there is a possibility of repairing the relationship between the daughter and mother.
Aims to improve communication and reduce family conflicts.

D. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Used when hatred stems from traumatic experiences with the mother, such as physical or emotional abuse.
Helps in reducing the emotional impact of past traumas by reprocessing painful memories.

3. Additional Steps for Treatment Alongside Medication

In addition to therapy and medication, certain habits can help improve emotions and manage stress:

✔ Exercise: Helps reduce stress and improve mood.
✔ Meditation and Yoga: Reduce negative emotions and promote relaxation.
✔ Journaling: Writing down anger and resentment can help release negative emotions in a safe way.
✔ Setting Boundaries with the Mother: If the relationship is harmful, it is essential to set limits to protect mental health and minimize emotional harm.

Treating a Daughter’s Hatred for Her Mother Through Psychological Exercises and Meditation

Hatred toward one’s mother is not just a temporary feeling; it may stem from traumatic experiences, emotional wounds, or years of mistreatment. Psychological exercises can help in releasing negative emotions, controlling anger, and reprogramming the mind to handle feelings in a healthier way.

1. Emotional Release Writing Exercise ✍️

Concept: Writing down your emotions helps release anger and pain instead of keeping them bottled up inside.