Permissive parenting its benefits harms and effects on the child

Parenting is not an easy task, and it requires a balance between love and discipline to raise your children the right way. It's important to be firm and teach them right from wrong, but at the same time, you need to be supportive and provide an environment where they can express themselves. Sometimes, permissive parenting might seem nice, but it can cause problems in the future, such as a lack of responsibility or weak discipline. Therefore, we need to understand that there are other ways that can be more balanced, combining core values of discipline with guidance and support. In the following lines, we will discuss different alternatives to permissive parenting that will help you raise your children the right way while maintaining a strong and healthy relationship with them.

What is Permissive Parenting?

Permissive parenting is a parenting style characterized by the absence of clear boundaries or specific expectations, with a greater focus on the child's emotional needs and desires. In this approach, parents prioritize meeting the child's immediate needs without considering long-term consequences. Parents are always responsive to the child's wishes and make significant efforts to please them. This style includes a lot of love and care, but lacks structure, guidance, or strong discipline. Permissive parents try to satisfy their children as much as possible and avoid setting strict rules or boundaries to prevent frustrating or disappointing the child.

Types of Permissive Parenting:

Overly Permissive Parenting: In this type, parents love their children so much that they don't set any boundaries or limitations. They allow children to be completely free in everything, without any rules. For example, if the child wants something, the parents will let them ask for it without saying "no." This can lead children to believe that they can ask for anything without considering consequences or supervision. The effect of this type is that children may struggle with responsibility or expect everything to be provided to them without effort.
Supportive Permissive Parenting: In this type, parents are always present to emotionally support their children—they listen to them and encourage them, but don't set clear rules or boundaries. While they are careful with their children's feelings, they don't guide or set systems for their lives. This leaves children unable to distinguish between right and wrong, as they haven't learned to take responsibility for their actions. Parents here want to always support their children but aren't firm enough.
Narcissistic Permissive Parenting: In this type of parenting, parents have significant psychological or emotional needs and try to fulfill them by excessively indulging their children. Parents satisfy their emotional needs by pampering their children, such as buying them everything they want or allowing them to act freely to feel loved. This type leaves children unprepared for real-life challenges, as they haven't learned how to be independent or take responsibility.
Erratic Permissive Parenting: In this type, parents are permissive at times and strict at other times. For example, today they set clear rules, and the next day, they indulge the child without any restrictions. This inconsistency makes it difficult for children to cope with changes, as they can't predict their parents' reactions in certain situations. The child may feel confused and lose confidence in themselves and others.
Permissive Parenting Due to Anxiety or Fear: In this type, parents have an excessive fear for their children and try to protect them from everything, to the extent that they don’t impose any effort or responsibility on them. For example, if the child needs to learn how to study or deal with school problems, the parents won’t set boundaries because they are afraid the child will feel pressured or disappointed.

Negative Effects of Permissive Parenting:

Lack of Responsibility: Children raised in a permissive environment won’t learn how to take responsibility for their actions.
Lack of Discipline: Children from permissive parenting might struggle to meet obligations, such as homework or teamwork.
Difficulty Dealing with Failure: Since they haven’t learned to face failure or challenges, they will have difficulty coping with problems or obstacles in the future.
Lack of Respect for Rules: Children won’t learn that there are rules and boundaries they must respect, making it difficult for them to interact properly with society.

Justifications and Reasons for Permissive Parenting:

Sometimes, parents use permissive parenting for certain reasons, and some of the main justifications for this parenting style include:

Avoiding Harsh Parenting Styles: Parents may try to avoid strict or authoritarian parenting to prevent negatively impacting their child's psyche or personality. They may feel it's better to use an approach that encourages and motivates the child, leading them to be more permissive unintentionally.
Excessive Love and Attachment: Some parents believe they love their children so much that they can't bear to enforce rules, especially if the child is an only child or comes after a long wait. This can lead them to indulge their children and adopt a permissive approach.
Desire Not to Deprive the Child of Anything: Some parents have gone through difficult or deprived childhoods, experiencing harsh discipline or lack of care. As a result, they try to avoid putting their children through the same harsh experiences and overindulge them with affection.
Building a Good Relationship with the Child: Sometimes, parents believe that if they allow the child to do whatever they want and make them comfortable, it will improve their relationship with the child and strengthen their bond. They may overlook the negative effects of permissive parenting.
Sacrificing for the Child's Happiness: Some parents feel that by being permissive and fulfilling every desire of their child, they are sacrificing their own interests to make the child happy, either for themselves or to appear that way to others.

The Difference Between Permissive Parenting and Neglectful Parenting:

Permissive Parenting:
In permissive parenting, parents are not very strict with their children. There might be rules or guidelines, but they are not enforced rigidly. Parents are lenient and allow their children to do what they want without strict supervision or accountability.
Parents in this style are caring and understanding, but they struggle to set clear boundaries for their children. They don’t say “no” easily, which can make it difficult for children to distinguish right from wrong or learn responsibility.
In the long term, children may need more guidance in life and may struggle with difficult situations because they haven't learned clear limits.

Neglectful Parenting:
Neglectful parenting occurs when parents show little to no interest in their children's upbringing. It's not just about not setting rules or boundaries, but also about a lack of emotional support, care, or even basic needs like food and clothing.
In this style, parents are absent from their children's lives both physically and emotionally. They do not provide any support or guidance, which significantly affects the children.
Children raised in a neglectful environment often struggle with communication and may have difficulty handling problems or facing life's challenges because they haven't learned basic life skills.

Characteristics of Permissive Parenting:

Few Rules: In permissive parenting, parents allow their children to do whatever they want, with minimal rules. Any rules that exist are simple and only meant to ensure their safety.
Lax Enforcement of Rules: Even if parents set some rules, they are not strict about enforcing them. For example, if a child breaks a rule, there is no severe punishment; parents tend to forgive them easily.
Giving More Freedom and Privacy: Parents in permissive parenting allow their children more freedom in making decisions. They respect the child’s privacy, such as with their room or friends, which sometimes leads to a sense of complete separation.
Encouragement and Motivation: Parents encourage good behavior and reward their children rather than punishing them. They may even exaggerate the value of their children's achievements, even if they are small.
Overindulgence: Parents in permissive parenting often try to fulfill their children's every request and let them do whatever they want. This is a form of overindulgence, as they are always eager to make their children happy.
Avoidance of Punishment: Parents in permissive parenting avoid punishing their children because they don't want to hurt their feelings or upset them. Their goal is to maintain a calm, stress-free home environment.
Excessive Affection and Tenderness: Parents in permissive parenting often show an exaggerated amount of affection and tenderness toward their children. They love their children deeply, but they express this love in an excessive manner to make sure the child always feels loved and secure.
Fulfilling All of the Child’s Requests: Parents often try to fulfill all their children's requests, no matter how many. This teaches the child that everything will be done for them without effort or resistance.
Avoiding Responsibility: Parents in permissive parenting do not make their children take on any responsibility. They do everything for them and don’t let them face challenges or learn to be responsible on their own.

Effects of Permissive Parenting on Children:

Lower Levels of Discipline: When there are no strong behavioral rules or commitment to enforcing them, the child becomes accustomed to doing whatever they want without understanding limits or restrictions. This lack of discipline leads to a disorganized daily routine and a failure to respect others.
Development of Selfish Traits: In this environment, the child grows up with the idea that everything they want will be instantly fulfilled, and parents always cater to their requests. This makes them selfish and develop the belief that others should focus on their happiness and comfort, even at the expense of others.
Higher Levels of Freedom: Children in permissive parenting feel that they have a lot of freedom in making decisions and expressing themselves. As a result, they grow up with a free-spirited personality but may struggle to accept rules or be imposed upon by authority figures.
Emotional Fulfillment of the Child: One positive aspect of permissive parenting is that the child feels loved and accepted by their parents, which provides emotional comfort and a sense of psychological stability.
Child’s Sense of Comfort and Happiness: Because the child’s requests are always fulfilled and they feel constant emotional satisfaction, they are often happy and comfortable, without many rules, pressures, responsibilities, or deprivation.
Development of Dependence and Reliance: The child becomes overly dependent on their parents for everything, whether it’s homework or personal matters. This prevents them from learning self-reliance or doing things independently, making them overly reliant.
Weak Individual Skills: The child does not learn essential life skills because the parents do not let them take responsibility or practice completing tasks on their own. This deprives the child of developing personal skills.
Strong Personality in Front of Parents, Weak in Public: In external environments, like school or with friends, the child will not find the same leniency they are used to at home. This creates a strong personality in front of their parents but a weak one when facing challenges or authority figures.
Lack of Routine: The child is not used to a structured routine in daily life. With no clear rules or schedule, they might sleep whenever they want, wake up whenever they want, and complete their homework however they please. This lack of structure leads to difficulty learning discipline.
Reduced Respect for Parents: Permissive parenting sometimes leads to a lack of respect for parents because they do not enforce discipline or guide their children when they make mistakes. This can cause the child to question or devalue the authority of their parents.

Signs of Permissive Parenting:

Weak Discipline: If you're unable to set clear rules for your children or let them behave however they want without setting boundaries, this indicates permissive parenting.
Failure to Apply Consequences: If your children do something wrong and there is no firm response or punishment for their actions, this shows a lack of firmness in dealing with bad behavior.
Fulfilling Every Request: If you fulfill all your children's requests without saying "no" or fail to set boundaries in matters like purchasing toys or food, this is a sign of permissive parenting.
Prioritizing Feelings Over Discipline: If you prioritize your children's feelings in everything over setting clear rules, which makes it hard to distinguish right from wrong, this is a strong indicator of permissive parenting.
Allowing Them to Make Decisions: If your children are the ones deciding on things like studies or behavior, or you let them make excessive important decisions, this is another sign of permissive parenting.

Signs of Leniency in Parenting:

Lack of Firmness: Parents cannot set clear, firm rules at home, which leads to children being less committed to their duties or values.
Lax Punishments: Even when there are wrongdoings or repeated mistakes, parents do not apply appropriate punishments, or they are so mild that the children do not feel the impact.
Lack of Emotional Guidance: In permissive parenting, there is often a lack of emotional guidance or advice for the children. While they may feel loved, there is no direction or focus on their development as individuals.
Excessive Freedom: Children feel they can do whatever they want without supervision or guidance, even in situations that could harm them.
The Parent-Child Relationship Becoming More of a Friendship: In lenient parenting, the relationship between parents and children often resembles a friendship more than a guiding, authoritative one, and the parents fail to balance love with proper guidance.

Signs of Lenient Parenting:

Lack of Firmness and Strictness: If parents are unable to set clear and firm rules at home, this leads to children being less committed to their duties or values.
Lax Punishments: Even when there are wrong behaviors or repeated mistakes, parents do not apply appropriate punishments, or the punishments are so mild that the children do not feel the impact of their actions.
Neglecting Emotional Guidance: In permissive parenting, there is not always an effort to emotionally guide the children or provide necessary advice. They might feel loved, but there is a lack of direction or focus on developing them as individuals.
Excessive Freedom: Children feel they can behave however they want without supervision or guidance, even in ways that may harm them.
Personal Relationship Over Parent-Child Role: In lenient parenting, the relationship between parents and children often feels more like a friendship than a guiding relationship. Parents may struggle to balance love with proper guidance.

Alternatives to Permissive Parenting:

Authoritative Parenting: In this style, parents are firm in setting rules and boundaries but are also emotionally supportive. There are clear rules, and consequences are applied when children misbehave, but parents are always there to guide and support them. This helps children learn responsibility and deal with challenges, while still feeling loved and supported. Example: If the child misbehaves, parents will say, "I won’t allow this behavior, but I will help you learn how to avoid this mistake in the future."
Supportive Parenting: In this style, parents try to balance emotional support with setting boundaries. They care for the children's emotions but do not excessively tolerate misbehaviors. Parents do not say "no" frequently, but encourage children to express themselves and make decisions within a certain framework of rules. Example: When a child faces a problem, parents might say, "I’m here to help you. Let’s talk together and see how we can solve this in the right way."
Educational Parenting: Educational parenting combines discipline with teaching. Parents not only set rules and boundaries but also explain why those rules are important and help children understand the consequences of their actions. Parents in this style encourage critical thinking and involve children in creating family rules and decisions, which fosters a sense of responsibility. Example: If a child behaves poorly, parents may explain the consequences: "If you keep acting like this, you’ll face problems. Let’s discuss how we can solve this together."
Self-Regulation Parenting: In this style, parents aim to teach their children how to control their behavior independently. Parents train their children in making good decisions, controlling their emotions, and managing their actions without constant parental intervention. Parents encourage children to solve problems on their own but are available to offer guidance when needed. Example: If a child wants to do something, the parent might ask, "Do you think this is the best way to solve the problem? If you need help, I’m here to guide you."
Participatory Parenting: In this style, parents involve their children in decision-making. It’s not just the parents who set rules, but children also have a say in determining family rules and agreements. This helps children feel they are a part of the family decision-making process and teaches them responsibility and respect. Example: When a new rule needs to be established at home, parents may sit with the children and say, "How can we come up with a new rule that will help us all?"
Positive Reinforcement Parenting: In this approach, parents focus on rewarding good behaviors instead of excessively punishing bad ones. When a child behaves well, parents reinforce that behavior with rewards or praise. This encourages children to repeat positive behaviors and naturally follow rules because they see a positive outcome for their actions. Example: "When you are on time with your tasks, you’ll get to enjoy extra time with us doing something you love."

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General Practitioner: The treating doctor could be a general practitioner who diagnoses and treats general health issues.
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