How to deal with your child if he breaks a toy

Enter your child's room and open the piled-up toy boxes—are all their toys inside? Have they truly benefited from them and played with them in a meaningful way?Every toy has a purpose and is designed to help a child learn and develop, even if it’s simple or inexpensive. For example, a small drum is not just a toy; it helps improve their sense of hearing and coordination between movement and thought.That’s why, when we buy toys for our children, we need to ensure they understand how to play with them and make the most out of them. You can learn more about this in Dalili Medical’s article on the best ways for children to benefit from their toys.

Why Do Kids Break Their Toys?

Sometimes, children break their toys for different reasons, and it's not always out of mischief. Often, it's a way for them to express their emotions or simply part of how they play. Let's explore why this happens:

1- Anger and Emotional Release
When a child is upset or frustrated, they may express their emotions in various ways, such as screaming, hitting, or even breaking their toys. The toy becomes an outlet for their anger, helping them release negative energy.

2- Frustration and Disappointment
If a child tries to do something and fails or wants something they can't have, they may feel frustrated. Some children struggle to manage these emotions and might express their disappointment by breaking or damaging their toys.

3- Destructive Play
Some children naturally enjoy rough play—not because they want to cause harm, but because they like taking things apart and experimenting. Their curiosity may drive them to explore what’s inside the toy, or they may simply find joy in destruction.

4- Psychological or Behavioral Disorders
Children with conditions like ADHD or autism may engage in random actions that result in breaking things, sometimes unintentionally. They might also use this behavior as a way to express distress or assert control over their environment.

5- Hyperactivity and Lack of Attention
Children with hyperactivity often struggle with focus and may accidentally damage their toys by throwing or handling them roughly. Due to their excessive energy and impulsive behavior, their toys may break more frequently.

6- Jealousy of Siblings
Jealousy can be a major reason for breaking toys, especially if a child sees their sibling receiving new toys while they have older ones. They might break their own or their sibling’s toys to feel equal.

7- Seeking Attention
Some children feel they don’t get enough attention from their parents, so they act out in ways that force adults to focus on them. Breaking things can be a way to ensure they get noticed, even if it’s through negative attention.

8- Imitating Adults
Children tend to imitate what they see. If they witness adults throwing or breaking things when angry, they might believe this is a normal reaction and mimic the behavior.

9- Boredom with the Toy
When a child gets bored of a toy, they might break it instead of simply putting it aside. Some children do this as a way to get rid of an old toy, while others may hope it convinces their parents to buy a new one.

Why Do Kids Destroy and Break Things?

Children may resort to destructive behaviors for various reasons. Some of these behaviors are a natural part of their development, while others may indicate underlying behavioral issues that need parental attention. Let’s explore why kids engage in breaking or damaging things:

1- Playing and Having Fun by Tearing and Throwing Things
Most parents notice that young children love grabbing things and throwing them. They also enjoy tearing paper and listening to the sound it makes. This is a normal part of their development, starting around eight months and continuing into early childhood. If a child is destructive in this way, the best approach is to provide safe objects they can play with and explore without harm.

2- Curiosity and Exploration Through Destruction
Children are naturally curious, and this curiosity peaks between 1.5 and 6 years old. They love to understand how things work—taking apart toys, throwing cups to hear the sound, opening drawers to see what’s inside, or tearing paper to observe the effect. Instead of stopping them completely, parents can guide this curiosity by providing safe and appropriate exploratory activities.

3- Seeking Attention
When a child feels they are not getting enough attention from their parents, they may act out in disruptive ways to make themselves noticed. This could include crying, screaming, breaking things, throwing food, or even withdrawing and appearing disinterested. The solution isn’t punishment but rather ensuring the child receives enough attention and quality time to prevent attention-seeking behaviors.

4- Expressing Anger or Sadness
Just like adults, children experience emotions, but they often struggle to express them through words. When feeling angry or sad, they may break or throw things as a way to release their frustration. Teaching them alternative ways to express their feelings—like talking, drawing, or engaging in physical activities—can help them manage emotions without destructive behavior.

5- Revenge in Children
Children aren’t always innocent; sometimes, they act out of revenge. If they feel wronged, they might break something valuable to someone they are upset with—like smashing a parent’s favorite cup after being scolded. If left unchecked, this behavior can evolve into more calculated acts of harm. Parents should avoid excessive harshness and teach children healthier ways to express their displeasure.

6- Poor Parenting Methods
Extremely lenient, overly strict, or neglectful parenting styles can lead to destructive behavior in children. A balanced upbringing, which includes both love and discipline, helps children feel secure and develop positive behaviors.

7- Compulsive Destructive Behavior in Children
Some children exhibit compulsive destructive tendencies without an obvious reason. Traditional discipline methods may not work for them. This behavior often appears after age seven and can be linked to conditions like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder. In such cases, professional intervention may be necessary to address the underlying issues.

How to Deal with a Child Who Breaks Their Toys?

Many parents struggle with children who frequently break their toys for no clear reason, which can be frustrating and exhausting. Here are some practical tips to handle this issue effectively:

1- Clearly Disapprove of Destructive Behavior
Your child needs to understand that breaking toys is not acceptable. Without being harsh, express your disappointment by saying something like, "I'm upset that you broke your toy. Toys are meant for fun, not for breaking."

2- Set Consequences for Destruction
If the child repeatedly breaks toys without a valid reason, consequences can help reinforce responsibility. Try:
✔️ Reducing playtime as a consequence.
✔️ Not immediately replacing broken toys.
✔️ Encouraging them to attempt fixing the toy (if possible) to teach them the value of their belongings.

3- Help the Child Release Negative Emotions
A child may break toys out of frustration or anger. Encourage healthier emotional outlets like:
 Physical activities such as running or playing sports.
 Creative play like using clay or building blocks.
 Expressing feelings through talking or drawing.

4- Redirect Their Attention
If boredom is the reason behind breaking toys, engage your child in other activities:
 Reading a story together.
 Introducing new, skill-building games.
 Giving them small responsibilities at home to instill a sense of purpose.

5- Strengthen Communication and Provide Emotional Security
Some children act out destructively when they feel neglected. To counter this:
 Spend dedicated quality time with them daily.
 Listen and acknowledge their feelings.
 Reassure them that they are loved without needing to seek attention negatively.

6- Encourage Positive Behavior
Instead of focusing only on punishment, reward your child when they take care of their toys:
✔️ Praise them: "I'm happy you took good care of your toy!"
 Offer small incentives like extra playtime or a treat they enjoy.

7- Seek Professional Help if the Behavior Persists
If your child continues to destroy their belongings despite trying different strategies, consulting a child psychologist may help uncover any underlying behavioral or emotional issues.

How to Teach Your Child to Take Care of Their Toys and Belongings?

Teaching a child to take care of their belongings isn't just about telling them to do so—it’s a learned behavior that develops over time through practice and guidance. Starting early and providing the right tools will help them become responsible and respectful of their possessions.

1- Teaching Gratitude and Appreciation for Their Belongings

Children should understand that their toys and belongings are blessings, and not all kids have the same privileges. You can teach them by saying:
"The things you have are gifts, and if you take care of them, they will last longer."
Telling them stories about kids who took care of their things and benefited from them for a long time can reinforce this message.

2- Holding the Child Responsible for Damaging Their Things

If a child breaks or loses something, they should face natural consequences to learn responsibility. Consider:
✔️ Not immediately replacing the broken toy.
✔️ Encouraging them to repair or put broken pieces back together.
✔️ Teaching them the value of things by involving them in organizing and maintaining their belongings.

3- Involving the Child in Paying for Their Toys

To help them appreciate their toys more, encourage them to contribute in small ways:
 Saving a portion of their allowance to buy the toy they want.
 Completing simple household tasks in exchange for a small reward that goes toward their desired toy.

4- Teaching Organization and Tidiness

A child who is used to keeping things organized tends to be more responsible. From an early age, teach them to:
 Put their toys back in place after playing.
 Take care of their clothes and books rather than leaving them scattered.
 Have a dedicated shelf or storage box to arrange their belongings neatly.

5- Giving the Child Their Own Space and Responsibility Over It

Having a personal space to manage can make a child feel responsible. This could be:
 A toy shelf they organize themselves.
 A small desk for their books and stationery.
When children feel ownership over their space, they are more likely to take care of it.

By practicing these habits consistently, children will gradually learn the importance of taking care of their belongings, developing a sense of responsibility that will benefit them in all areas of life.

How to Deal with a Child Who Destroys Things?

Handling a child who breaks or damages things should be based on understanding their behavior and reasons, not just reacting impulsively. Here are some key factors to consider:

1- Understanding the Child’s Age and Its Impact on Destructive Behavior

 Children under 3 years old: Breaking things is often a natural part of their exploration. They are not intentionally destructive, but rather discovering their environment. The best approach here is to guide them and ensure their safety while preventing damage.
Children over 3 years old: At this stage, they should start understanding the value of objects and the importance of taking care of their belongings. This is where parenting and guidance play a stronger role.

2- The Difference Between Destruction and Exploration

 If the child is breaking things out of curiosity, encourage them to play with toys designed for disassembly and reassembly instead of damaging household items.
If the destruction is due to anger or revenge, identify the root cause (jealousy, frustration, or attention-seeking) and address it accordingly.

3- Your Reaction Determines Whether the Behavior Continues or Stops

 Yelling and using violence may teach the child that breaking things is a powerful way to provoke a reaction from you, leading them to repeat the behavior in the future.
Being too lenient may lead them to believe that breaking things has no consequences and that they don’t need to value their belongings or those of others.
The best approach is balancing firmness with warmth. Explain why their behavior is wrong and help them correct their mistake in a way appropriate to their age.

How to Correct Destructive Behavior in Your Child?

 Ensure Your Child’s Safety First
If your child tends to break things, make sure dangerous items like glass and sharp objects are kept out of reach. Also, explain that your concern is for their safety more than for the objects they are breaking.

 Understand the Reason Behind the Destruction
Ask yourself: Why is my child breaking things?
✔️ If it’s due to curiosity, provide them with safe toys for exploration instead of letting them play with household items.
✔️ If it’s for attention, spend more quality time with them and encourage positive behaviors.

 Set Clear and Consistent Rules
 Children thrive on routine and clear rules. If the rules are inconsistent or applied selectively, they will not respect them. Set firm guidelines such as:

• "We play with our toys; we don’t break them."
• "If you break something, you must help fix it or deal with the consequences."

 Find the Balance Between Love and Discipline
 Overindulgence may make the child feel they can do anything without consequences.
 Excessive strictness may push them to rebel and become even more destructive.
 The key is balancing firm boundaries with emotional support and care.

 Avoid Threats and Immediate Replacements
 Saying, “If you break your toy, I won’t buy you another one,” and then buying a new toy anyway teaches them that your words are not serious.
 Rewarding bad behavior by replacing broken items reinforces the idea that destruction leads to rewards. Instead, let them experience the consequences of their actions.

 Use Rewards and Discipline Wisely
✔️ Discipline should be appropriate to the child’s age and understanding, without resorting to violence or humiliation.
✔️ Encourage and praise them when they take care of their belongings, but avoid using rewards as a bribe.

By applying these strategies, your child will gradually learn to respect their belongings and refrain from destructive behavior in a healthy and effective way. 

Effective Tips for Dealing with a Child Who Breaks Things

If your child tends to break things, don’t worry! This behavior can be managed with a few simple steps that help guide them in a positive way. Here are some important tips:

1- Be Mindful of Your Own Behavior

 Children learn by observing, so avoid any actions that suggest breaking things is acceptable.
 Don’t laugh if your child breaks something, as this may encourage them to repeat the behavior for attention.

2- Encourage Calm Playtime

 If your child is overly energetic, breaking things might be their way of releasing excess energy.
 Provide them with activities that require focus and calmness, such as coloring, building blocks, or assembling toys.

3- Address Any Underlying Emotional Issues

 If your child breaks things out of anger or stress, it could indicate an emotional issue that needs attention.
 Observe their behavior and try to understand the real reason behind their actions.

4- Boost Their Self-Confidence

 When a child feels loved and valued, they won’t need to break things to get attention.
 Praise their positive behaviors and encourage them when they take care of their belongings.

5- Teach Them How to Manage Anger

 If your child tends to break things when they are upset, teach them alternative ways to express their feelings, such as:
✔️ Deep breathing exercises.
✔️ Counting from 1 to 10.
✔️ Drawing or writing about their emotions.

6- Help Them Adapt to Changes

 Teach your child how to cope with frustration or unexpected changes so they don’t resort to breaking things as an emotional reaction.
 Explain that not everything always goes as planned, and that’s a normal part of life.

Who Can Help?

The best specialists for managing destructive behavior in children are Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists or Child Behavior Therapists. A Child Psychologist can also help if the behavior is linked to emotional or behavioral issues.