Divorce is the process of formal and final separation between spouses, according to the legal, religious and social principles in force in each country. There are multiple reasons for divorce that can be identified through the Dalili Medical website, where the most important marital disputes are addressed in their various forms. These disputes may continue even after the divorce, leading to continued conflicts between the two parties after the separation.

What is shared parenting?

 

Simply put, shared parenting means sharing the responsibilities of raising children. In many, if not most, cases, the parents are physically separated, which requires making decisions about where the children will live and how much time they will spend with each parent.

Shared custody requires some kind of ongoing relationship with the ex-partner, and interacting with them can seem very challenging.

What are the challenges facing shared parenting?

 

When hurt and anger reign between exes, it can be common to use shared children as a means of pressuring the other parent. But this behavior can leave children “stuck in the middle,” negatively impacting their emotional development and ability to build healthy relationships in the future. However, it is entirely possible to get through this stage amicably with some commitment and a child-centered approach. Children of separated parents can thrive into adulthood and learn how to build close and successful bonds with others around them.

**How ​​to foster a friendly co-parenting relationship**

 

To guide you on your parenting journey, we have put together some tips that will help you achieve successful parenting.

. **Work together to develop a co-parenting agreement**Work on drafting a co-parenting agreement, either independently or with the help of a third-party relationship counselor, that all parties agree to and abide by. This agreement can include aspects such as:

- Where and when the children will spend time with each parent.

- Define each parent’s financial responsibilities (or percentages) for the different needs of the children, such as education, recreational activities, vacation costs, medical expenses, and other living expenses.

**Boundaries regarding interactions with the children involved**

 

. **Communication**Agree on the best way to communicate between you and determine the frequency of communication. Some ex-spouses may be able to manage this informally, but in cases where emotions and conflicts run high, there are mechanisms available to help.

An option is to use apps like Mob or DevFoto. These apps offer features such as shared calendars, contact storage, wish lists, messaging with a swear word filter, and a virtual “fridge” for sharing photos and notes.

. **Always put the needs of the children first** By focusing only on the needs of the children, you can avoid many unnecessary conflicts. Remember, this process is about your children, not you as a parent. By maintaining this principle, your interactions can remain positive and constructive, and can be effectively separated from issues that may arise between you as parents.

. Be consistent

Both families should maintain similar rules and routines to support consistency on issues like bedtime, screen time, and homework. When children see their parents working in concert, it reduces the chances that one parent will look like the “bad guy.”

**. Make time to listen** Depending on their age, children may have a variety of questions and concerns, and may feel angry. Even if this anger is directed at one or both parents, you should listen to them with compassion and avoid placing blame on the other parent. Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that they are in a safe environment to express their feelings.

**. Regulate your behavior and emotions** This may seem obvious, but in the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to control tantrums — especially after a difficult conversation with your ex, or if the other parent makes sudden changes to the agreed-upon arrangements.

Children learn from your behavior, so make sure your actions set a positive example that they will want to emulate.

**Encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent**Successful co-parenting helps your children see that both parents love them, far beyond any feelings of anger that may exist between you.

Allow your child to express their feelings toward the other parent and support them in doing so. It’s important for children to realize that both parents love them equally, and that they can do so without feeling guilty or worrying about hurting the other’s feelings. This is essential for children’s emotional health and strong emotions.

**Avoid trying to be the favorite parent or spoiling your children with gifts**It can be tempting to spoil your child when they’re with you, especially if you’re a parent with more financial resources.

While children may enjoy the brief moments of receiving fancy toys, vacations, or pets, they actually need stability, boundaries, and routine. Ultimately, these are the elements that give them a true sense of security and love.

**Don’t let children be the middlemen**Using your child as a middleman to communicate with your ex can cause them psychological stress, as well as the possibility of passing on inaccurate information or forgetting messages, which can lead to them feeling guilty and blamed.

Leaving the child to be the link can lead to tension, misunderstandings, and anger. It is always best to communicate directly with your ex to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding.

How can I deal with my ex-husband when there are children?

 

Having children between ex-husbands requires continuous communication between them in order to raise them properly. The degree of awareness and understanding between the two parties plays a crucial role in determining the nature of this communication. Unfortunately, many parents are unaware of the risks associated with using children as a means of pressure on the other party, which leads to negative effects on the children in the atmosphereMultiple. One of the common mistakes is that one of the parents believes that the children can be raised without the need for the other party. There are some tips that can help the divorced couple communicate better without causing problems, including:

- Try to build a relationship based on respect: It is important to show mutual respect in front of the children, because lack of respect between you may lead them in the future to imitate this behavior and disrespect their parents.

- Respect each other's independence: Each party must realize that they no longer have a direct relationship with the other's life, so they should not interfere in their affairs or monitor their behavior, and children should not be pressured to be a means of pressure on the other party or involve them in adult issues.

Reach a comprehensive agreement on all matters related to the children: This should be in line with the children's interests in the first place, such as their place of residence, times of seeing the other party, locations of their schools, their trips, and everything that forms part of their daily routine.

Avoid involving children in divorce conflicts: Children are often the most affected in divorce cases, especially when one of the parents uses the children as a tool in their disputes. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid involving children in any conflict with the ex-spouse.

Focus on one goal of communicating with the ex-spouse, which is to reach an agreement on matters related to raising children and providing a healthy environment for them after the divorce.

Reduce direct communication with the ex-spouse if it is not effective: You can seek the help of a mutual friend or a relative to communicate about necessary matters, which helps avoid quarrels that may arise when meeting. If there is no suitable person, you can use letters and calls while maintaining a formal character.

The second method: Raising children after divorce in separate homes

1) Maintain stability and order in your children's daily routine: If you will cooperate in raising children after divorce with the other party during the separation period, it is necessary to follow up on the children's lives on a daily basis.

Organize a regular schedule that determines who will take the children to school or who will transport them, as these aspects of the child's life are more important than you may think.

2) Agree on some basic guidelines regarding rules: You and the other party should reach an agreement about raising children after divorce, including the rules that will apply in both families, as well as how to deal with infractions. Although some rules may differ, any agreement about when and how to discipline children will benefit everyone.

For example, you could agree to impose a curfew for children who are old enough to go out with friends on the weekends. Setting and enforcing basic standards will help create a uniform disciplinary approach.

In addition, discuss what is permissible for children, such as prohibiting things that might give them access to inappropriate content, such as violent video games, in some families and not others. Having an unbalanced disciplinary approach can lead to divisions and be harmful to everyone.

3) Avoid fighting in front of the children during the post-divorce parenting period: It is important that your children are not exposed to emotional conflicts between you and their other parent, whether in person or over the phone. While these disagreements may happen, you should be careful not to put your children in further harm by continuing the conflict in front of them.

When you need to discuss something with the other parent, try to schedule a meeting at a time when the children are not around, or you can communicate by phone. If the time is not convenient for the other parent, ask them to schedule a time that is convenient for them to talk, and specify the topics you would like to discuss.

4) Be polite, courteous, and positive: This can be a challenge, so remind yourself that it is in your children’s best interest to treat their other parent with respect. Avoid saying anything derogatory about their other parent, focus on the positives, and remember that your children are closely connected to them.

Be a good role model for your children on how to behave maturely and kindly.

Under no circumstances should you try to undermine your children’s relationship with their other parent, as this can hurt them and negatively impact your relationship with them as well.

5) Encourage your children to interact and communicate with each other: Children of all ages are likely to form stronger bonds with each other during a divorce, which can help them maintain their balance and raise them well after a breakup.

If you know that one of your children is facing a particular difficulty, don’t hesitate to ask them if they have talked to their siblings about it.

This applies to children of similar ages, who may understand each other’s feelings, or children of different ages, who can offer advice or emotional support.

**6) Introduce new partners slowly and carefully:**It is important to wait a while before introducing a new partner to your children after a divorce, especially if infidelity was one of the reasons for the breakup.

**Method 3: Helping children express their feelings during the post-divorce parenting period**

1) Make sure they understand that the divorce was not their fault: This is a point that you may need to repeat to your children, as it is important that they understand that they are not the reason for your separation from your partner. Encourage them to express their feelings by talking to you, as this will help you in raising children after a divorce.

Remember, you may need to remind them specifically that the divorce is not their fault, by saying things like, “We decided to separate so we wouldn’t fight so much, but we are still your parents and we will always be here for you.”

2) Listen carefully to what your children say: Your children will experience a range of strong emotions when they hear about your separation, and they may have difficulty understanding or expressing their feelings. Help them find the right words to express their feelings by asking questions like, “Are you feeling sad or frustrated?” when you notice changes in their mood.

Remember that your children’s emotions may fluctuate; they may seem to accept it one way or the other.And while they may be angry the next day, tell them that whatever they’re feeling is acceptable, and that they should feel free to be completely honest with you.

3) Respond with empathy and support: Show them that you trust them and that they can count on you by verbally acknowledging the validity of the feelings they share with you. Never say that they shouldn’t feel a certain way or ignore any feelings they’re experiencing. Use phrases like, “I understand why you feel that way, and I’m sorry this is so hard for all of us.”

4) Remember that your support will help your child heal: If you consistently love and support your child, they will be able to face the reality of divorce. Don’t hesitate to express your love and reassurance. Always remind them that you love them and that you will always be there for them.

Most importantly, be there for them, which means spending time with them and giving them the opportunity to talk to you about their feelings when they feel comfortable.

5) Provide professional support for your children: Be aware of signs that your children are having difficulty dealing with their feelings after divorce. This includes all stages of children’s development, from childhood to adulthood.

Remember that even your adult children may experience negative feelings as a result of divorce, so you should be alert to any signs that indicate that they need additional support.

How can I deal with my ex-wife after divorce with children?

 

Don’t let your feelings control you: It is essential for a man to find a way to deal with himself after divorce, so that he does not get carried away by feelings of sadness, anger, or longing after the separation. He should seek to accept the idea of ​​divorce and find a way to live with it, which will enable him to understand his ex-wife and deal with her properly.

Make the interests of the children a priority: It is important to take into account the feelings and psychology of the children after the divorce. Even if the relationship with your ex-wife is tense, or if you feel that she has wronged you before or after the divorce, you should try to remain calm while dealing with her. Try to focus on leaving the differences aside and considering the interests of the children, and not allowing your problems to negatively affect their lives.

Maintain respect for your ex-wife after separation: Regardless of the reasons for the divorce and the differences that may exist between you, and no matter how angry you feel towards her, respect is the basic element that you must maintain in your dealings with your ex-wife, especially if you have children from her.

Problems will not lead to any benefit, but will increase the negative effects on your children's psychology, and they may feel resentful towards you if you try to hurt their mother. While dealing with respect contributes to building a good relationship between you and your ex-wife, which reduces the damage resulting from the separation on the children.

Be cooperative and provide support: Your ex-wife will still need your help with many life tasks, whether related to the home, children, or some personal matters, especially if she lives alone with the children after the separation. It is important not to ignore providing the help she needs, and to be supportive of her in managing the children's affairs.

Set boundaries in dealing with your ex-wife: Although it is important to maintain communication between spouses after divorce, especially if there are children, it is necessary to set boundaries and controls in this dealing. You must respect her independent personal life and avoid interfering in her affairs.

Set rules for communication between you: It is important to agree with the wife on the times and means of communication related to household and family affairs, how to distribute responsibilities related to the children, and ways to resolve conflicts, in addition to how to deal with emergency situations and the limits of each party's interference in the other's life.

Do not cut off the relationship completely: It is best to maintain limited communication with the wife after separation from time to time, in order to maintain the balance of the relationship as much as possible. This allows the husband to prove his presence in the lives of his children by discussing their affairs, lives and problems with the ex-wife, and understanding the changes they are going through and the developments in their lives, which helps him stay by their side.

Types of disputes between spouses after divorce?

There are many forms of disputes between ex-spouses, starting from well-known problems such as defamation, slander and surveillance, all the way to serious disputes that may threaten the life of one of the parties or cause him major problems that deeply affect the course of his life as a form of revenge, although these cases are rare. The most common forms of disputes are:

Disclosure of previous marital secrets: Each person has his own secrets related to his personal life, and we may be in moments of understanding with the partner before the divorce and share these secrets with them. But after the divorce, the partner may use these secrets as a weapon against the other party, and reveal them to anyone. These secrets vary between those related to previous social circumstances, or the partner's sexual life, or even serious matters related to work or family secrets.

**Insulting the ex-partner:** In this case, the person goes beyond the stage of revealing secrets to the stage of insulting and mocking the other party, where he makes up stories related to his personal lifestyle, trying to distort his image in front of others. It may even reach the point of fabricating scandals related to honor and morals.

**Stalking and interfering in the privacy of the ex-partner:** One of the ex-partners seeks to know every detail of the other's life, so he resorts to following him through social media, trying to find out who he talks to and with whom he interacts. This may go beyond the virtual world to reach following him in the street or at his workplace, interfering in his personal life, and even creating problems with the people he communicates with.

Involving children in the parents' problems: These behaviors are very common among separated couples, where one or both parties resort to distorting the image of the other in the eyes of their children. This may include assigning children to monitor the other party or transmit news about him, which has serious social and educational effects on the growth and development of children.

**HowHow to deal with divorce without children**

If the couple separates before they have children together, it is easier for them to adapt to life after divorce. In this case, it is preferable to forget the past and avoid communicating with the ex-partner completely. However, some circumstances may impose communication between you, so it is important to act in a way that helps avoid problems, such as:

- **Avoid verbal conflicts**: Especially if you belong to the same social circle, such as being from the same family or neighbors. Hurtful words may lead to similar reactions from the other party, which causes the differences between you to worsen.

- **Beware of monitoring**: There is no need to follow the news of the ex-partner. The time when you shared privacy is over, and each of you has his own life that he must live away from what was happening before.

**Blocking social media:** If you find it difficult to stay away from following your ex-husband's news on social media, the best solution is to block him completely. This will help you get through this stage and open a new page in your life.

**Avoid communicating with him again:** It is necessary to stay away from any communication with the ex-partner, whether it is motivated by financial or emotional need or any kind of support. This communication may restore the desire to control and interfere in your life.

**Put yourself first:** The issue of children is one of the biggest challenges facing divorcees. But in your case, where there are no children from your ex-husband, you have a great opportunity to start a new life. Think about yourself and work to get out of the cycle of an unhappy marriage that ended in divorce.

**Mistakes to avoid when dealing with your wife after divorce**

1. **Severe communication completely**: Some men tend to end the relationship completely with their wives after divorce, even if they have children. This may be out of revenge or as a result of feelings of hatred and resentment towards the ex-wife. Sometimes, a man may ignore the children as a kind of stubbornness, although his intentions may not necessarily be bad, but he is just seeking to forget the ex-wife and start a new life.

2. **Attempting to take revenge on the wife**: Some men make plans to upset the ex-wife and make her regret the decision to divorce. Some may seek to hurt her or ruin her life, believing that this will bring them some comfort. But in reality, these attempts negatively affect the children, although the man's motives may stem from previous feelings of love and a desire to return the wife, the psychological harm often affects all family members.

3. **Depriving the wife of alimony after divorce**: The man's refusal to pay the alimony due to the wife and children is one of the methods that some men resort to as a form of revenge.